Why do there have to be so many haters?!?
Okay, so I was going to take my kids to the beach. I live in a beach city, so it’s not the ordeal you might imagine. We were going for an hour and a half. My friends were going. I had packed everything and we were in the car and ready to go.
And DANG you would think I announced I was going to take my kids to fight tigers.
My husband says to me, “If you think it’s safe to take both kids, then go ahead.”
Oh hi, passive aggression. As in, “if somebody dies, remember, it’s on YOU.”
My mom says to me, when I call to complain about my husband’s lack of confidence, “No, no, of COURSE you can do this. (Is someone else going to help you? Do you have the ergo? Do you have puddlejumpers for both of them? Do you have sunscreen?)”
Cause clearly, I forgot all the beach stuff. You know, for the beach.
Even the effing lifeguard was like, “Ma’am, I know she has a puddlejumper on, but do you really want to let her play in the water by herself? Not the smartest move.”
Dear teenaged sir, I do not consider her going hip-high in water while I stand ten feet away to be in the water by herself. But since you are technically in charge here, I’m gonna have to act all concerned like I didn’t see the error of my ways until just now, and pretend that you didn’t just call me dumb to my face.
I mean, good grief. Give me a BREAK, y’all. It’s the beach- NAY, it’s the BAY- there aren’t even any waves! I keep these kids alive on the regular. I think I can handle two hours on the beach.
I mean, yes, Abram did drink some salt water, and Lila got a little sunburned, and I got scolded by a lifeguard. But did anybody die? No, thank you very much. So that’s gotta count for something.
And next time, I’m not telling any of you people that I’m even going to the beach. So don’t expect an invite. You ain’t coming.
Except the lifeguard, I guess. But hopefully the next one can mind his own darn business and let me and my kids get our beach on in peace.