Mama Mojo, momlife, parenting

The Shame of Having Your Sh!t Together

At this morning’s playdate, a little girl was on a mission to eat all the snacks. Her mom nervously laughed and was like, “you’d swear I didn’t feed her this morning! I promise, she had a full breakfast- eggs, sausage, hash browns- from scratch mind you- and she ate them all.”
And I swear to God, the entire playdate came to a screeching halt.
“UM, DID YOU JUST SAY YOU MADE FREAKING HASH BROWNS FROM SCRATCH?”
There was a quick moment of silence and then Christine, being Christine, initiated a slow clap while the mama blushed and pretty much immediately started backtracking.
“Well they were actually kind of easy. It wasn’t a big deal. And I don’t do it all the time. I happened to have time this morning.”
And then I’m like, hold on. When did it become embarrassing to have your shit together? Why is this poor lady ashamed of being AWESOME this morning??
I get it. Hot mess mom culture is in. We’ve turned the tides and are owning it. Messy buns? Hells yes. Messy house? Of course! Yoga pants? All day. Every day.
And you know what? That’s fine. Be a hot mess. Everyone is at some point. Lord knows I spend more than my share of time in the Hot Mess Mama Club. This job is hard, and we sure don’t need to be judging each other.
But also, we don’t need to be judging each other.
You shouldn’t have to be embarrassed that you are nailing this mom thing. You can take pride in a job well done without coming across as braggy, and you can tell your friends about what your life is like without people thinking you’re an asshole. Make your kids smoothies, or kale, or hash browns from scratch. Take them to the park, be screen-free, do an arts and crafts project every day. It’s okay to be a hot mess somedays, or all the days, but it’s also okay not to be. And unless you’re being a dick about it, you shouldn’t have to hear that you have too much time or your hands, or that you’re making everyone else look bad, or whatever it is that people might say to ward off their own insecurity. You’re doing fine, mama. More than fine. And frankly, we’re a little jealous.
And as for the rest of us- if another mom mentions that she is nailing this parenting thing, try to rein in your judgement and applaud her. Literally or figuratively. Because maybe tomorrow, you’ll be the badass making smoothies, and you’ll want a slow clap of your own.

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18 thoughts on “The Shame of Having Your Sh!t Together”

  1. Hahaha LOVE your post!!!! Sometimes we’re halfway to the store before we realize our kid has one shoe on and other times we’re nailing kale shakes for kids on Pinterest… 🙂

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  2. Seriously, this is an awesome post. There’s so much talk about people judging us for our imperfections but in reality, we can feel equally judged for our perfections. What you’re saying is so right. It’s hard to nail it. So when you nail it, OWN IT!

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  3. What a great post! I don’t always have it together but I mostly do but I rarely talk about it because like you said “hot mess mom” is in. But on the other hand I don’t feel I need to tell anyone my business… messy or neat… it’s mine.

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  4. This post is more than great! It is sad that we have come to this…there is absolutely no room for shaming, whatever direction it may be. Heck, I strive some days to be that mom that should be getting a round of applause, and I would gladly accept it 😊

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  5. This is a lovely post. I remember most of the time I go to Grocery store in my nightsuit as I do not get time to change and I look weird But this is how Motherhood is. 🙂

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  6. I love this!! I don’t wear yoga pants or leggings and other moms can’t believe it! I just don’t like them!!

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