They Said WHAT?, Why We're Salty

Questions You Shouldn’t Ask Moms of Many

The internet has educated us on some important do’s and don’ts for the Nosy Nelly’s of the world. We know you don’t get to ask people when they’re having kids or if they’re having kids at all. We’ve established that you don’t get to ask people why they’re only having one kid. We’ve hammered home to not ask pushy questions about when people are adding to their family. Granted, some people will ask despite knowing all this, because they’re just those kinds of people.

But what if you’re the family that got married and had kids a year later. And then got pregnant again 9 months after that. And then got pregnant 12 months after that. And then decided that you’re actually not done having kids even though in my experience three seems to be the assumed maximum number of children a person should have. Because that’s our family. We’ve got three an we don’t plan on being done. Maybe we’ll have one more, maybe two, maybe my husband suggests three and I freak out and say “Don’t push it bro.”

But that family, my family, well guess what internet? You don’t get to ask that Mom really personal questions either. So here’s my list of actual questions I’ve been asked by strangers.

Oh, and the answers I wish I had said.

(Okay, sometimes I did say them….)

#rudequestions #wittycomebacks #momhumor #funnymom #momhumorblogs #humormom #humorformom #momsarefunny Continue reading “Questions You Shouldn’t Ask Moms of Many”

Salty Mama Reviews

Why We LOVE Wee Blessing! (And a Salty Mama Discount!!)

One of the most challenging things to do with a bunch of kids is clothes shopping. The kids want to touch everything, there aren’t carts to trap them in, and don’t even think about having to go into a fitting room! To make matters worse, these kids keep growing, leaving me little choice but to buy more clothes. Granted, I could spend some precious time without the kids to go shopping, but I tragically have ended up with two little girls with serious feelings about what they wear and the odds are I will bring home the entirely wrong things. Kids fashion may not always be my top priority, but it seems to be theirs.

Theoretically I wouldn’t mind taking Evie or Izzie on a solo “shopping spree” but this ends one of two ways. 1. Evie wants every single skirt/dress/blue thing in the store (sub in “yellow thing” for Izzie). Whatever she’s into at the moment must be hers and we will either leave with bags full and my wallet empty or without any clothes and me pulling a screaming threenager out of the store, never to be seen there again. 2. I manage expectations and Evie agrees to pick out one skirt/dress/blue thing (again, yellow for Izzie). She then spends the next seven and a half hours waffling between near identical items until I scream, lose my mind, and offer to buy both. Then she smells my weakness and resorts to #1.

There had to be a better way.

Enter Wee Blessing.

A big thank you to Wee Blessing for sponsoring this post by providing our first box! As always, the thoughts, experiences, and opinions expressed here are our own. This is an honest review of everything sweet – and anything salty – about Wee Blessing!

Wee Blessing is a professional children’s styling service tailored to your taste, budget, and lifestyle that helps you feel your best and gives you back what matters most…your time! And, let’s face it, your sanity.

You can sign up for monthly deliveries (or quarterly – or every six months – whatever works for you!) and have zero obligation to stick around. You can skip months or cancel at any time, which is a HUGE draw for me. Plus, you’re not pouring a ton of money in each month. You only pay the $8 shipping fee to receive your box. Then you can choose which of the 4 outfits you want to purchase (at a significant discount from the stores). Buy all 4 outfits and you get an extra 10% off. Whatever you don’t want, you send back in a prepaid package.

Continue reading “Why We LOVE Wee Blessing! (And a Salty Mama Discount!!)”

Effing Four Year Olds, Kids' Activities, momlife, Why We're Salty

6 Games we Secretly Hate to Play with Our Kids

Make no mistake: We love our kids. We do. No matter what you read in the rest of this post, hold tight to that solid truth. But there is another truth, that is just as true: We HATE some of the games they require us to play with them. In no particular order, here are the games we wouldn’t mind never ever ever not once having to play ever again.


This post contains affiliate links. You can read more at our legal page. Thank you!
Continue reading “6 Games we Secretly Hate to Play with Our Kids”

Mom Humor, They Said WHAT?, Why We're Salty

MORE Open Letters to the People That Make Us Salty

As Moms (and Dads) sometimes we are shocked by the things that people think it’s okay to say – and do – us. Unfortunately, due to our broken #mombrains, we don’t always come up with the perfect response in the moment. So instead, we write anonymous passive aggressive lighthearted letters full of mom humor to the people that have wronged us. Yes, I’m talking about more letters to even more people that made us downright salty. Did you miss Part One? Make sure to check it out here and then come back to virtually punch some people in the face with me. As always, let us know who you’d add in the comments!

Continue reading “MORE Open Letters to the People That Make Us Salty”

momlife, The Daddys, They Said WHAT?

10 Reasons to Say NO to a Puppy

This morning I opened my email to find a very rare message from my husband. We’re not people that email, text or really communicate while he’s at work, so I knew this was either something urgent, important, or special. What I received was a picture, followed by this:

Cole’s early birthday present???

I know we are not ready and really this burden would fall 100% on you but this could be the adoring fan who is always there for him that he needs.

I quickly went through a thousand emotions from rage, to thinking he was sweet, to crying at the idea of another thing to keep alive, to swooning over how adorable the pups are, to realizing that I needed to nip this in the bud. Fast.

I clicked “Reply” and fired off my ten reasons we are NOT getting a puppy right now.

#puppy #canihaveapuppy #shouldwegetapuppy #kids #kidsanddogs #kidsandpuppies #puppiesandkids #aboyandhisdog #familydog

Continue reading “10 Reasons to Say NO to a Puppy”

Caffeine, Chick-Fil-A, momlife, parenting, They Said WHAT?, Why We're Salty

Open Letters to the People That Make Us Salty

In my mind, I’m the kind of assertive woman that speaks her mind. I’m a good role model for my children and will always stand up for myself, especially in front of them. I ain’t afraid of nobody and will tell them what’s up with all the confidence in the world. In reality? I’m just a really tired lady that thinks of witty comebacks about 45 minutes too late. So instead of telling all of these people what I really think of them in the moment – I’ll just leave these open letters here, and dream of the day they become viral and all the people that need to read them get the message.

Continue reading “Open Letters to the People That Make Us Salty”

Caffeine, Mama Mojo, MicroLuxuries, momlife, Momsquad, vacation

6 Rules We Made – And Broke – For Our Kid-Free Vacation

Driving down to the cruise terminal, I was excited, anxious, and had a list of things that I was – and was NOT – going to do. Then a wind came by and those rules were GONE with it. So, in the grand traditions of buffets, check out our list of rules, take what you like, and if you don’t end up using it – who cares? You can always come back for more later!

Don’t Think About the Kids

Okay, so we didn’t really think we were going to keep this one, but we just didn’t want our whole trip to be us talking nonstop about our kids. Especially since we are doing this to get a break from them. We love our kids, but it would be nice for the chance to also miss our kids. Which is how two days in I ended up sitting there waiting for Harry Potter Trivia to start scrolling through every picture I’ve ever taken of my kids. And damn, those kids are cute. Looking at those cute little faces, you can almost forget the tantrums, the sass, the specific requests they have for which water cup to use….and then I shut it down, turn back to my friends, and get my trivia on.

Enjoy, But Don’t Over Indulge

One of the best things about a cruise is all that food that I didn’t cook – and don’t have to clean up after. As Moms, we rarely get to scarf down a piece of toast while it’s still warm, so a luxurious 6 course meal is the ultimate in luxury. Which means we ate that way every single night. Thinking a hamburger sounds good while you’re sitting in the jacuzzi? It’s only 100 feet away! Go for it! Need a little chocolate? Oh, there’s a chocolate buffet at noon today! Can’t decide between steak and eggs and Fruit Loop crusted French toast? GET BOTH!

No indulgence is too much, and yes, you and your crew may spend the entire day you get home frantically texting people about how much weight you gained in 72 hours but you won’t get to eat that way for another year, so don’t worry about it!

Continue reading “6 Rules We Made – And Broke – For Our Kid-Free Vacation”

Mama Mojo, momlife, Momsquad

The Day I Cheated

It started like any other day. Wake up, make breakfast, pack lunches, check email and Facebook and blogs, get everyone dressed and start our day. It was the rare sort of day where everything was running smoothly. I drank my coffee hot, the kids played peacefully and I started to feel nervous that it was a calm before a storm. Something was going to shake up this perfect day. I could feel it.

At 9:30 I was going to rendezvous with a new friend. We’d been texting the night before, setting up our meeting, and I have to admit, I was part excited and part nervous. I pulled into the YMCA, as I do several times a week, but this time with a little more trepidation. All of a sudden my workout pants from Costco were embarrassing. I found a stain on my shirt and was horrified. What was I thinking meeting someone like this? Had I become that complacent Mom that doesn’t care at all? So comfortable with my partner that I stopped even trying to impress them? Continue reading “The Day I Cheated”

momlife, Tips & Hacks

Get Better Sleep in 5 Easy Steps

This post was sponsored by VitalSleep. The opinions are completely my own based on my experience. Also, this post contains affiliate links. You can read more at our Legal page. Thank you!

As a Mom, getting quality sleep is like the Holy Grail. Elusive, hard to find, and just when you think you’re about to get it – someone pees their bed. Okay, maybe the analogy went a little off the rails there, but you know what I mean. Between our kids’ nightmares, midnight feedings, bed wettings, growing pains and the classic “need to snuggle,” we are fighting an uphill battle. We just end up more tired and more desperate to get better sleep.

Then I realized that I was not helping the cause with my own bad habits. I thought to all the times I begged for advice on how to get my babies to sleep and came to the conclusion that I didn’t follow any of that advice for me. I had no routine. My sleep space wasn’t ideal. I just wasn’t setting myself up for success. All the things I did to help my baby, I should have been doing for myself as well.

So here are our top tips to help you sleep like a baby. Or at least how we dream our babies will sleep. Continue reading “Get Better Sleep in 5 Easy Steps”

Bouncing Babies, Effing Four Year Olds, koefoe party of 5, momlife, Momsquad, parenting, The Salties, Tips & Hacks

Tips for Leaving the House with Multiple Kids

I was at the Aquarium, Izzie on my hip, one eye on Cole and the other on Evie. Wait – where’s Evie? Oh, there she is! Yes, one eye on Evie. Check. A woman with a toddler caught my eye and exclaimed, “Wow! I’m not even brave enough to bring both my kids to the Aquarium and you’re here with three!”

I never know how to respond to these confessions from other Moms. As a Stay-at-Home-Mom, if I didn’t brave the outside world and leave the house with three kids, I’d never leave. So hiding inside doesn’t seem like much of an option. And sure, some places we go are much more painful than other places. (Yes, I’m looking at you Costco and Trader Joe’s). But a place specifically made for kids? It’s not always fun and it’s basically never easy, but I promise you that if I can do it, so can you.

Here are some tips to help you get through it. Continue reading “Tips for Leaving the House with Multiple Kids”