Salty Mama Lists

100 Things I Regret

We live in a fast paced world where there are opportunities around every corner. And we’re supposed to say, “YES!.” I mean, it’s the age of #YOLO and #NoRegrets. It’s a time when we’re supposed to grab the bull by the horns and when Andy Cohen asks you if you regret anything you said or did this season you can proudly say “I don’t believe in regrets.” (I’m looking at you Luann). But me? I’m sitting over here being a medical test dummy for my 3 year old and thinking how I absolutely should not have let her get the Doc McStuffins kit for pooping in the potty. Sure, I could try to brush it off as a “learning experience” but we’d rather go back in time and prevent the thermometer wet willy I just got from ever happening. That, and these other 99 things.

#NoRegrets is great and all, but this is #momlife, and I've got over 100 regrets. What are yours?  #momlifeisthebestlife #momlifestyle #momliferocks #momlifebelike #momlifeisthebest #momlifebestlife #momlifeyo #momlifeinabubble #momlifechronicles #momlifeunfiltered #momlifeisthtebestlife #momlifeishard #momlifestyleblogger #mommyhumor #momhumor #momhumorblog #parenting #dadlife

I Regret….

  1. Not accepting WAY more help when it was offered in the first couple years of parenting.
  2. That one Halloween when I ate all the candy.
  3. Not getting more pedicures.
  4. Wearing white shirts when my kids were babies.
  5. The number of times I was too lazy to make myself a meal and had chips and salsa for dinner.
  6. That one trip to Reno with two kids under two and cramming four people in two airplane seats.
  7. The time I assumed my kids fussiness was due to teething and not to an ear infection.
  8. Not bringing an extra pair of pants.
  9. And underwear.
  10. Taking all three kids to the movies at the same time.
  11. Telling the kids about the super fun and exciting thing we’re not doing until next week.
  12. Beating myself up about not losing the baby weight.
  13. The time I peeked in on the kids at the YMCA and the baby saw me and started to cry.
  14. Buying so many tubs of low carb ice cream before deciding I don’t care about carbs.
  15. Not taking more pictures of myself with the kids when they were teeny tiny babies.
  16. Not making that drink a double.
  17. Waiting so long to give my son formula. 
  18. The time we went to Chuck E Cheese at noon on a Saturday.
  19. Forgetting to grab the wipes.
  20. Not getting an epidural on that second baby (Jaymi).
  21. Not getting an epidural on that third baby (Christine).
  22. Pretty much all of 2004.
  23. Not giving all these people a piece of my mind in the moment.
  24. That seventh “blue drink” on the cruise.
  25. Not super sizing my fries when I had the chance.
  26. Parking my car on the street the night it got side swiped.
  27. Not taking my kid to the bathroom the first time they said they had to go.
  28. Asking my sister about how long she thought it would be until she had the baby. While she was in labor.
  29. Stopping for diapers on St. Patrick’s Day 2014, because during the time it to me to get them my daughter got bit by a dog.
  30. Not using my Chick-fil-A reward before it expired that one time.
  31. You know those letters your therapist tells you to write, but not send? I regret sending it.
  32. Waiting so long to buy LuLaRoe leggings.
  33. Letting my kids eat in the car.
  34. Keeping a Sharpie within arms reach of my children.
  35. Not teaching my kids that they have to wear underwear every single day.
  36. Everything about this situation.
  37. Letting my kid sleep in my room so long.
  38. Moving my kid out of their crib when I did.
  39. Watching Waterworld.
  40. Not noticing the Starbucks cup in the trash can before my 18 month old drank out of it.
  41. Almost every time I’ve answered an unknown number on my phone.
  42. Waiting so long to replace our old college furniture.
  43. Not printing out more pictures of my kids.
  44. Leaving my kids lunchbox in the car overnight.
  45. Forgetting to call the YMCA and not getting a spot in the kids club.
  46. Introducing my kids to the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.
  47. Not sleeping when the baby slept.
  48. Wearing cheap bras.
  49. Not checking under the carseats when I thought the car was clean. 
  50. Not going to Applebee’s more often for $1 drink specials.
  51. Yelling at the girl at the McDonald’s drive through when I was having a rough day and my coupon wouldn’t scan.
  52. Drinking that coffee at 8pm. And yes, it’s probably the only time I’ve EVER regretted drinking a coffee.
  53. Every time I’ve ever refused pain medication.
  54. Not noticing until 8 at night, home alone, with all three kids, that we were COMPLETELY OUT of diapers.
  55. Wearing high heels to my kids’ baptisms.
  56. Forgetting it was street sweeping day.
  57. Buying generic cough drops.
  58. Forgetting to turn everything off and ruining my Ohm Hour streak.
  59. Not signing my kid up for the summer camp he really wanted before it sold out.
  60. Running into the baby’s room to make sure she’s alive only to have the running wake her up.
  61. Repeatedly running into the baby’s room, after not having learned my lesson the first time.
  62. Not getting a refill on my Cherry Coke before leaving Chick-fil-A.
  63. Choosing being on time over getting coffee on the way.
  64. The time I let my toddler take a nap at 5pm.
  65. Saying I didn’t need anything for Mother’s Day.
  66. Sleeping on the couch last night. My back is not in it’s 20’s anymore.
  67. Buying expensive sunglasses.
  68. Buying cheap bras.
  69. The time I will never get back trying to finish The Goldfinch. 
  70. Teaching my kids how to use Alexa for their own personal gain.
  71. The time I wore white and then let my kids eat Cheetos near me.
  72. Basically any time I wore white post having kids.
  73. Not ordering dessert more often.
  74. Falling off the workout wagon.
  75. Forgetting my phone at the library.
  76. Forgetting my phone at the library right before it closes.
  77. Forgetting my phone at the library right before it closes on a Saturday night when they won’t be open again UNTIL TUESDAY!
  78. Thinking it was “just a rash” and ignoring it for a minute.
  79. Buying every toy we have that makes a ton of noise.
  80. Buying the Costco sized bag of raisins. When will I learn the kids will turn on anything I buy in bulk?
  81. Forgetting to restock toilet paper in the bathroom.
  82. Letting my kid take a nap at 4pm.
  83. Saying, “No I can do it myself” when I just should have said, “That would be great, thank you.”
  84. Leaving fake tanning lotion within reach of my two year old.
  85. Letting my kids own a cowbell.
  86. Not spending more of my kids’ formative years teaching them you don’t eat bananas out of the trash.
  87. Taking my fertility for granted.
  88. Getting the kids all excited to get Chick-fil-A and then remembering it’s Sunday.
  89. Anytime I ever took the kids with me when I had to try on clothes before buying them.
  90. Thinking I didn’t need a stroller anymore for a day at the aquarium with three kids.
  91. Forgetting to return the giant stack of kids’ library books on time.
  92. Letting my kid stay up WAY past his bedtime to watch “one more cool part” until the movie was over.
  93. Saying yes to Play-Doh.
  94. Not making it absolutely clear to my children that you HAVE to wear pants in public. All the time.
  95. Asking my son how I looked in my bathing suit. (Spoiler alert: “Squishy”)
  96. Not getting more pedicures.
  97. Not hiring a babysitter when I just needed a break.
  98. Believing my kid when he said he definitely had his shoes. (He did not).
  99. Anytime anyone ever made me feel bad about any of my parenting choices.

Because despite all these regrets, I love my kids, I (usually) love my life, and yes, I learned from allllllll those mistakes. Next time I’m super-sizing, signing my kid up for summer camp the day registration opens and getting that epidural dammit!

What do you regret?

Salty Mama Lists, Saturday Six

Saturday Six

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We’ve been back for a week and somehow we’re STILL exhausted! Here are the six things helping us get back in the groove this week!

Date Night 

Yes, we got to spend a lot of time away from the kids last weekend, but we were also away from our husbands. Which, on the one hand – Yay! – but on the other hand, we do love those guys. So this weekend we are living for date night! Christine and Chad committed to date nights this year by buying season passes to a local theater. Last night was The King and I and dinner alone at a place with fancy tablecloths, craft cocktails, and ordering fancy dessert.

We spent a chunk of dinner making a list of all the date nights we want to do in the future – taking a cooking lesson together, a virtual reality arcade night, one of those paint and drink wine nights, and a tour of some sort of nerdy facility (guess who wants to do that one???) What’s your favorite creative date night? Continue reading “Saturday Six”

Cheapskating, Mama Mojo, MicroLuxuries, momlife, Momsquad, Salty Mama Lists, Saturday Six, Tips & Hacks, vacation

6 Things You NEED To Bring on a Cruise

Trying to figure out what to bring on a cruise? We’re heading away for our annual MomSquad weekend away, and we’ve got 6 things that will help you pack for your cruise like a pro. And also, maybe make it just a little more fun. (Which, it’s a CRUISE. So that’s saying something).

Wondering what to bring on a cruise? These 6 Essentials will have you sailing like a pro! #cruisetips #cruisepackinglist

Continue reading “6 Things You NEED To Bring on a Cruise”

Salty Mama Lists, Saturday Six, Tips & Hacks

Saturday Six

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It was one of those looooong weeks where it felt like we might just not make it to Saturday. Here’s what helped keep us sane this week.

1. We are FIVE days away from our #momsquadcruise2018 and each minute feels like an hour. I’m basically packed and ready to go. Which leaves me with nothing left to shop for the trip. So I thought about family vacations and summer and swim and I fell down the rabbit hole of little girl bathing suits. So they are SET with ruffles and polka dots and this adorable owl suit – OH MY! If you see any bathing suits my kids need, drop a link 😉

2. Sometimes when things seem at their worst, Christine goes against her natural inclination (read: tv forever). This week she took all the kids to the California Science Center. What’s your favorite museum to take the kids to?

3. After a few days of taking care of three kids AND a sick Daddy, Christine snuck out for $1 Bahama Mamas at Applebee’s, our new hot spot for cheap drinks and awkward conversations with bartenders. Which begs the question: where’s our sponsorship yo? I mean, “The Salty Mamas – brought to you by Applebee’s” has a nice ring to it. Call us Applebee’s!

4. While we may have differing opinions on the Olympics (one of us watches 18 hours a day and the other is like “what are you doing with your life????”) we can both agree on Celebrity Big Brother. Both The Salty Mama’s are BIG fans of Big Brother, so add in a Real Housewife and we are happy forever. Anyone else watching?? Who are you rooting for to win???

5. This may not be popular, but we are both REALLY happy we’re not pumping anymore. That may have pushed us over the edge this week. But Jaymi spent a bunch of time as a busy, pumping, working Mama. One of her tips made it into this awesome post from This Mom Life. Check it out!

6. Let’s face it. This:

Having something to look forward to is NO JOKE. Do it.

Married with Children, Salty Mama Lists, The Daddys

20 Things That We Find VERY Romantic

This week, our Facebook and Instagram feeds were flooded with grand gestures of love. Long stem roses, chocolate covered strawberries, sparkly gifts, prix fix dinners out on the town, or homemade dinners for two. Meanwhile, Jaymi and I shared a romantic evening of chicken and chocolate chip cookies in heart shaped containers because the Daddy’s were working late. Once upon a time, we may have grumbled about the apparent lack of affection and romance on our Valentine’s Day, but this is what our life is these days. And the truth is, we don’t mind a bit.

Yes, we still LOVE our husbands, and sometimes we even gush about them, but romance looks very different these days. The key to making it work is embracing all the little ways our partners are romantic, and not taking those for granted. So here’s our thank you, for all these little things our fellas do year round to show us how much they love and appreciate us.

Honey, thank you for….

Continue reading “20 Things That We Find VERY Romantic”

Recipes, Salty Mama Lists, Saturday Six, The Salty Mamas Bookclub

Saturday Six

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It’s that time again! Just like we’ve gotta feed these kids breakfast every morning, so too can you expect our Saturday six every weekend! Well, unless we run out of coffee. Then, no promises. But this week we’re caffeinated and hyped up about these six things.

1. This week we were called “Brilliant.” And we will not let that go unacknowledged, so that you very much to The Mummy Club! Obviously they have fantastic taste in blogs, so go check out the rest of their Blogger Showcase.

2. Christine was a little disheartened last year when she didn’t hit her reading goal for the first time in forever, but she’s back in the saddle and killing it this year. Right now she’s reading Little Fires Everywhere and it may just be our next Salty Mama Book Club selection…I mean real characters, Mothers that aren’t perfect, exploring Mother-daughter relationships – what more could you ask for in this can’t-put-it-down book?

3.  It’s National Chocolate Cake Day. Which needs no explanation except now you have permission to get dessert tonight, so you’re welcome.

4. Thank goodness for Caitlin over at Real Mom Recs who did our meal planning for us next week with this awesome list of Easy, Family Friendly Dinners for Slacker Moms. Because yes ,we are slackers and she had us at easy.

5.  The Salty Mamas trade babies every Friday while the Bigs are in school so we can cross some things off our list totally childfree. And despite having a list of errands a mile long, Christine made the executive decision to do this instead.

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And she doesn’t regret it one bit.

6. And finally, once upon a time, Christine thought Twitter was lame. Also, she didn’t understand it at all. Which is probably why she thought it was lame. But now? Obsessed. Here’s a mini roundup of Tweets that made us laugh this week.

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What made you laugh this week? Drop it in the comments!

Mama Loves a Party, momlife, Momsquad, parenting, Recipes, Salty Mama Lists, Saturday Six

Saturday Six

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Whoa! This week was full of ups and downs for The Salty Mamas, but it’s the weekend now and we are gonna have FUN, gosh darn it.  So let’s start the day off with some positivity- here’s what’s making us happy this week!

1. With Love and A Little Self Deprecation wrote this post about how to know when your child is ready for a toddler bed, and it A.) Had us in stitches and B.) Had us vaguely terrified about having to move children into Big Kid Beds soonish.

 

2. It is CAMELIA SEASON.  These little flowers have brought me so much joy over the years, especially because they bloom right around Lila’s birthday each year.  I was kind of obsessed with having fresh-cut flowers in the house when Lila came home from the hospital (because irrational pregnant woman) and they’ve been part of the centerpieces at her birthday parties ever since. She turns five today, and she loves the camelias as much as her mama does (well, she loves tearing them up, but STILL.)

3. This simple, pretty swing dress from Amazon. It was on a lightning deal this week, but even when it’s not the price is right. And it has POCKETS. Dreaming of the day when I can wear it on my MomSquad cruise! (Hey MomSquad- you should all get one, obviously, so we can be matchy-matchy.)

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4. If you haven’t tried this Balsamic Pork Tenderloin that’s been floating around Pinterest lately forever, please cook it up this week. It’s so simple but SO full of flavor.  Serve it up with roasted potatoes and a green veggie, and you’ve got yourself a delicious meal that is gluten-sensitivity-friendly. (Which, don’t even get me STARTED on my beef with gluten. It’s a whole post for a whole ‘nother day.) As a bonus side note, the whole meal costs about $5 to make, assuming you are buying your ingredients at the right time. Looking for more simple meals? Check out our post here and our Pinterest board here.

5. We are currently crushing on fellow mom-blogger Lindsey from Every Day Above Dirt. She is so sweet and so real, and her Instagram feed is full of cute babies and puppies and real life. Check her out!

6. Finally, this little video. Because YES, and because we needed a giggle this week.

 

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What took YOU to your happy place this week? We want to hear about it!

Salty Mama Lists, Uncategorized

Saturday Six

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In the slightly altered words of Andy Cohen, here’s what six things we’re obsessed with today:

1. Jaymi is the Queen of the Hustle, got Christine hooked on all the Micro Hustles and now you don’t have to just believe us. Believe our friend over at Baby Costs Money. After all, she’s legit tracking how much it costs to raise her toddler. (And yes, it’s horrifying). So if she’s celebrating Jaymi as a hustler? Well it’s pretty official.

2. Christine is gearing up for her #Momsquad cruise by grabbing herself some new sunglasses. Jaymi turned her onto EyeBuyDirect.com and now Christine is obsessed. And the proud owner of two new pairs of sunglasses. Check them out and get $10 off your order when you use this link! And stay tuned – Christine will show off her new shades when they arrive!

3. Coloring books are cool. Adult coloring books gave us life. But adult coloring books that are inherently salty and like they were made for us? We’ll take three, thanks.

4. Stepped outside the normal workout routine at the YMCA this week and it may have been a huuuuuuuge mistake.

5. The Turndown. Do you watch these guys? Because they have basically videotaped every conversation Chad and Christine have ever had in bed. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, just click the link and do it now.

6. Monday is a holiday which means the kids’ schools are closed (BOO!) but one of the Daddies has the day off work (YAY!) Also….sorry Jaymi…. What are you doing to celebrate/survive this bonus day off?

Stay Salty!

Salty Mama Lists

Saturday Six

This post contains affiliate links. You can read more at our Legal page. Thank you!

Here’s what got us way more excited than it probably should have this week…

1. Christine got a new coffee cup that has changed her life. You probably need one, too.

2. Geek Mama wrote a post about how having kids has turned her into a liar, and we absolutely could not agree more.

3. Christine FINALLY started using the Kmart Hacks we told you about, and now she is as excited as Jaymi is. I mean, just LOOK at all the stuff she got this week- for $6 TOTAL!

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4. We started a Health and Wellness challenge with our friends that has us very hungry, but very motivated.  Of course, it also involves the chance to win some cash, so you can see why we of all people would be VERY motivated. 

5. Jaymi got a new Felt Board, and she loves it SO MUCH.  It’s revolutionized our Instagram account, so if you’re not following us yet, now is a good time to start!

6. We booked our next #MomSquad cruise and we COULD NOT be more excited. We lived our version of our best life by celebrating with cheap blue drinks at the bar at Applebees. As one does. Cheers!!!

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Holidays, Mama Mojo, MicroLuxuries, momlife, Salty Mama Lists

What We Wish We’d Gotten For Christmas

At the risk of sounding like HUGE jerks…there’s just a few things we WISH we would have gotten for Christmas. I mean, they are largely impossible, but still… a Salty Mama can dream!  Continue reading “What We Wish We’d Gotten For Christmas”