Married with Children, momlife, The Daddys, Why We're Salty

Man Eyes

I am not the first woman to notice this, but dear GOD WHY CAN’T MEN FIND THINGS. I can’t decide if it’s a lack of commitment to finding said thing, or if it’s that they know they have wife-insurance in this regard, so it’s not like it’s never gonna get found, or if there is some honest to goodness optical difference with man-eyes that just cannot be helped.

I don’t know if it’s that I’m part eagle or what, but I can spot THE sippy cup in the clean dishwasher when no one else can. I am the only one capable of finding the Aurora costume in the dress up bin, somehow distinguishing between it and the Snow Whites and fairies. I can actually match socks, I can locate missing documents, and I can even find sweaters for everyone in less time than it takes my husband to put on his shoes. And he wears flip flops, y’all. Somehow, finding things has become my super power. And yes, I would rather have super strength or the ability to never sleep without getting tired (because for real, think of everything you could get done! And how much peace and quiet you would have when everyone else was sleeping), but if eagle eyes are what I’m gonna get, I will take it.

So the next time your husband cannot locate his glasses, or his work bag that is sitting directly in his line of vision, take a deep breath. Smile graciously, and point to the bag, and do not point out that his man-eyes have failed him again. Because there will come a day when your eagle eyes will fail YOU, and you’re looking everywhere for the keys in your hand, and you will thank God that those man-eyes are able to at least find those.

On second thought, just get a Tile to find your crap for you. And then he’ll never need to know that sometimes, your eagle-eyes fail you, too.

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6 thoughts on “Man Eyes”

  1. One of my girlfriends was telling me the other day that her boyfriend has to skype her from the grocery store and show her the shelves because he can never locate the peanut butter, baking powder, spices, etc lol!

  2. Also, when I read the post title ” man eyes” it sounded like I was saying “mayonnaise” in an australian accent. Go on, try it, you know you want to

  3. OMG Jaymi, are you me? I would love for my super power to be not ever needing to sleep! I say the same thing, imagine what I could get done! People look at me like i’m nuts.

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