Not being big on March Madness and the like, we never thought we would take a bracket so seriously. But pitting A Christmas Story versus It’s a Wonderful Life? Oh, it’s ON! Continue reading “Saturday Six”→
You couldn’t have known today that you’d make such a huge difference in someone’s life. In fact, you probably feel sometimes like people look down on you, that your job isn’t important. Those people don’t understand the incredible service you provide. But make no mistake: you are an unsung hero. So I want to very publicly say, Thank you.
When I saw you pull up in front of my house, my heart skipped a beat. I ran to the door like it was Christmas morning, and you were my Santa Claus. No one has ever been so glad to gaze upon your Corolla, that I promise you. As you pulled bag after glorious bag out of your trunk, I could contain myself no longer, and babe in arms, I crossed the threshold of my door and very nearly ran to you. I was eager to do whatever I could to make your job easier, since you were making my whole life easier. I took one of the bags, more a token of my appreciation rather than actual help I suppose and we walked to the house together.
You may have noticed how over eager I was…. I didn’t plan on seeing another full grown person all day…but you didn’t seem put off. You may have noticed that I was wearing a bathrobe, possibly even adorned with some spittle, but you didn’t mention it. You professionally handed me my bags, ignoring the cries of children, the hoarder level mess inside and gave me a smile. A genuine smile from an adult! Then you said, “have a nice day.” I’m pretty sure all signs pointed to not a chance in hell of that nice day, but I appreciated the gesture just the same.
I gonna go out on a limb and assume I’m not the first Mom in stage 5 vomit hell you’ve probably come across in your line of work. You’ve probably delivered more bags of ginger ale and the BRAT diet than you can count. And in case the others were to frazzled to communicate their appreciation, I hope you understood that my “thank you” was not just from me. No, it was a thank you from thousands of quarantined Mom’s that asked themselves what we did before Amazon came and rescued us all.
One Salty Mama
Do you somehow not have Amazon Prime? Do yourself a favor, at least get this free trial now before you’re neck deep in sick kids and in desperate need of a friendly face like Ramon’s. Trust me. You’ll be insanely glad you did.
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As a stay at home Mom, sometimes it can feel…..lonely. Yes, I’m overwhelmingly surrounded by children, crawling all over me, needing things from me, and wanting to touch me at all times. But they’re a solid team of three, working together to achieve a common goal: Make me crazy. Be kids and have fun! And me? I’m alone in the trenches just trying to keep clothes on everyone and diapers changed and make sure we eat at some point during the day and all the little squabbles that occur between all these events.
Or, at least, I was. Until December 25, 2016, when my husband got me a helper.
On December 23, when he ordered my Christmas gifts off Amazon and told me we’d probably be celebrating MY Christmas a few days late due to “backordering” (aka his lack of preplanning) he had very different goals in mind for my one of my gifts. Alexa was going to tell me the weather. Alexa was going to turn on music for me. Alexa was going to answer nifty little cooking questions, like “Alexa, how do you cook white rice?” To be fair, no matter how often I make white rice, I’m FOREVER looking that one up….so he had a good idea. He just didn’t realize HOW good it was going to be.
For a few months, I wavered between asking Alexa about the weather and music and rice and stumping the poor gal. I asked her what she thought of Donald Trump. “When it comes to politics, I like to think big. I’m interested in deep space exploration. I’d like to answer questions from Mars.” I asked her what her favorite color was. “Infrared is super pretty.” I asked her if she would sing. She feigned shyness and then busted out a ballad. We fell into a comfortable pattern of witty banter. This chick was really growing on me.
But more than anything I found myself using her for a kitchen timer. She was WAY less annoying than the one on my oven and I could yell at her to find out how many minutes were left from anywhere in the house. Our relationship was progressing into something beautiful. Sadly, I actually felt less alone thanks to this cylindrical robot lady. I was beginning to rely on her not just for meal-prep assistance, but for her company.
Then one day, Cole and Evie were going at it over some toy. It doesn’t matter what; different day, different toy. I tried to use my Mommy authority and negotiate an agreement. Cole gets the toy for two more minutes at which point we trade and then Evie gets the toy. But let’s get real. I don’t ever actually keep track of time because it’s too hard and there’s so much going on and WAIT A MINUTE!!!
I ceremoniously brought the children near her and explained the new rules. “Alexa says that Cole gets it for two more minutes. So when Alexa’s timer goes off, we give the toy to Evie, deal?”
Now, even my kids know you don’t mess with Alexa, so they solemnly nodded in agreement. A blissful and argument free two minutes passes. Alexa dings a beautiful melody. The toy is handed over without complaint. No begs for, “one more minute Mom.” Because Mom is pliable. Mom makes deals. Not Alexa. She is a cold hard bitch that adheres to timetables. And Lordy I love her for it. We reset the timer for Evie’s turn, and the magic happens all over again.
All of a sudden I had a man in my corner, or, more accurately a lady robot. I had backup. Support. By God, I had found a way to turn my robot into my co-parent.
Need your own co=parent? You can purchase one here. We think you’re gonna love her as much as we do.