momlife

The Dark Side of Having Kids That Are “Great” Eaters

There are two kinds of toddlers: the kind that are super picky eaters and the kind that aren’t. And there’s a ton of helpful information out there to help your picky eater. Which is awesome! But as much as having kids that won’t eat anything is a major PITA, I’m here to tell you that having kids that eat EVERYTHING isn’t that great either. So whether your kid is a human garbage disposal too, or you just want to feel better about your situation, here are five things that are major downsides to having kids that everyone considers to be “great” eaters.

Before you get too jealous of your friends whose kids eat everything, read this! #pickyeaters #kidsthateateverything #foodiekid #kidfoodies #minifoodie #littlefoodie #kidsmeals #kidseatveggies #kidseatfruit #getmoreveggiesforkids #momlife #dadlife #foodbtattles #eatingoutwithkids

Continue reading “The Dark Side of Having Kids That Are “Great” Eaters”

Tips & Hacks

6 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Going Anywhere with Kids

Before having kids, I was hella spontaneous. Whether it was last minute dinner plans, answering a friends invite of “let’s go out!” or literally leaving brunch to hit the road and go to Vegas, I was up for it all and with very few questions. So you can only imagine the ton of bricks that hit me when I had this tiny little baby that needed bottles and diapers and wipes and extra outfits and binkys and a suitcase full of miscellaneous items for a quick trip to Target. I mean, how much stuff do I need to run errands with kids?

And it’s not just the stuff – the stuff is manageable, and you can tackle leaving the house with a bunch of kids.  But you have to know where you’re going! And I’m not just talking how to get there fastest. There are a lot of things you never realized you need to consider before picking a location to take your kids. So now, I basically never leave the house without answering these six questions first.

Going to the park? Play place? Amusement park? STOP! Ask these six questions first to have a successful day! #goingplaceswithkids #dayoutwithkids #goingtothepark #goingtotheparkwithkids #amusementparkwithkids #disneylandwithkids #leavingthehousewithkids #checklist #domykidsneedsocks #howmuchdokidscost #momlife #dadlife #momlifehacks #momlifetips #dadlifehacks #dadlifetips #parenting #parentingtips #parentinghacks

Continue reading “6 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Going Anywhere with Kids”

Kids' Activities

Chuck E Cheese Hacks

Ohhh, Chuck E. Cheese. If you were a child in the 80s or 90s, you can likely remember the joy, the excitement, and the thrill of this place. They had pizza. They had tokens and games and tickets. And the prizes, good grief, THE PRIZES. It was like heaven for kids. And now that I am on the other side of it, I know the dark, seedy side of the Chuck. Namely, that parents hate it as much as their kids love it.

Not everything is awful about Chuck E. Cheese, of course.  Their pizza has improved greatly, and the ball pits only exist in the nightmares of germaphobes everywhere.  But as they have improved, we’ve noticed that their prices have crept slowly up.  Which, if you’re trying to limit the amount of time you have to spend there, might be a good thing. But if you’re desperate to show your kids a good time, the cost of the place can be a problem.

Lucky for you, we’ve scoured the internet and our local CECs to find the best collection of Chuck E. Cheese hacks, money saving tips, and upgrades to help make your trip to Chuck E. Cheese a little more bearable- or at the very least, a little less expensive.

Kids LOVE Chuck E. Cheese- but parents? Yeah, usually not. Hacks to make your visit easier (and cheaper!) from TheSaltyMamas.com.

Continue reading “Chuck E Cheese Hacks”

Salty Mama Lists

100 Things I Regret

We live in a fast paced world where there are opportunities around every corner. And we’re supposed to say, “YES!.” I mean, it’s the age of #YOLO and #NoRegrets. It’s a time when we’re supposed to grab the bull by the horns and when Andy Cohen asks you if you regret anything you said or did this season you can proudly say “I don’t believe in regrets.” (I’m looking at you Luann). But me? I’m sitting over here being a medical test dummy for my 3 year old and thinking how I absolutely should not have let her get the Doc McStuffins kit for pooping in the potty. Sure, I could try to brush it off as a “learning experience” but we’d rather go back in time and prevent the thermometer wet willy I just got from ever happening. That, and these other 99 things.

#NoRegrets is great and all, but this is #momlife, and I've got over 100 regrets. What are yours?  #momlifeisthebestlife #momlifestyle #momliferocks #momlifebelike #momlifeisthebest #momlifebestlife #momlifeyo #momlifeinabubble #momlifechronicles #momlifeunfiltered #momlifeisthtebestlife #momlifeishard #momlifestyleblogger #mommyhumor #momhumor #momhumorblog #parenting #dadlife

I Regret….

  1. Not accepting WAY more help when it was offered in the first couple years of parenting.
  2. That one Halloween when I ate all the candy.
  3. Not getting more pedicures.
  4. Wearing white shirts when my kids were babies.
  5. The number of times I was too lazy to make myself a meal and had chips and salsa for dinner.
  6. That one trip to Reno with two kids under two and cramming four people in two airplane seats.
  7. The time I assumed my kids fussiness was due to teething and not to an ear infection.
  8. Not bringing an extra pair of pants.
  9. And underwear.
  10. Taking all three kids to the movies at the same time.
  11. Telling the kids about the super fun and exciting thing we’re not doing until next week.
  12. Beating myself up about not losing the baby weight.
  13. The time I peeked in on the kids at the YMCA and the baby saw me and started to cry.
  14. Buying so many tubs of low carb ice cream before deciding I don’t care about carbs.
  15. Not taking more pictures of myself with the kids when they were teeny tiny babies.
  16. Not making that drink a double.
  17. Waiting so long to give my son formula. 
  18. The time we went to Chuck E Cheese at noon on a Saturday.
  19. Forgetting to grab the wipes.
  20. Not getting an epidural on that second baby (Jaymi).
  21. Not getting an epidural on that third baby (Christine).
  22. Pretty much all of 2004.
  23. Not giving all these people a piece of my mind in the moment.
  24. That seventh “blue drink” on the cruise.
  25. Not super sizing my fries when I had the chance.
  26. Parking my car on the street the night it got side swiped.
  27. Not taking my kid to the bathroom the first time they said they had to go.
  28. Asking my sister about how long she thought it would be until she had the baby. While she was in labor.
  29. Stopping for diapers on St. Patrick’s Day 2014, because during the time it to me to get them my daughter got bit by a dog.
  30. Not using my Chick-fil-A reward before it expired that one time.
  31. You know those letters your therapist tells you to write, but not send? I regret sending it.
  32. Waiting so long to buy LuLaRoe leggings.
  33. Letting my kids eat in the car.
  34. Keeping a Sharpie within arms reach of my children.
  35. Not teaching my kids that they have to wear underwear every single day.
  36. Everything about this situation.
  37. Letting my kid sleep in my room so long.
  38. Moving my kid out of their crib when I did.
  39. Watching Waterworld.
  40. Not noticing the Starbucks cup in the trash can before my 18 month old drank out of it.
  41. Almost every time I’ve answered an unknown number on my phone.
  42. Waiting so long to replace our old college furniture.
  43. Not printing out more pictures of my kids.
  44. Leaving my kids lunchbox in the car overnight.
  45. Forgetting to call the YMCA and not getting a spot in the kids club.
  46. Introducing my kids to the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.
  47. Not sleeping when the baby slept.
  48. Wearing cheap bras.
  49. Not checking under the carseats when I thought the car was clean. 
  50. Not going to Applebee’s more often for $1 drink specials.
  51. Yelling at the girl at the McDonald’s drive through when I was having a rough day and my coupon wouldn’t scan.
  52. Drinking that coffee at 8pm. And yes, it’s probably the only time I’ve EVER regretted drinking a coffee.
  53. Every time I’ve ever refused pain medication.
  54. Not noticing until 8 at night, home alone, with all three kids, that we were COMPLETELY OUT of diapers.
  55. Wearing high heels to my kids’ baptisms.
  56. Forgetting it was street sweeping day.
  57. Buying generic cough drops.
  58. Forgetting to turn everything off and ruining my Ohm Hour streak.
  59. Not signing my kid up for the summer camp he really wanted before it sold out.
  60. Running into the baby’s room to make sure she’s alive only to have the running wake her up.
  61. Repeatedly running into the baby’s room, after not having learned my lesson the first time.
  62. Not getting a refill on my Cherry Coke before leaving Chick-fil-A.
  63. Choosing being on time over getting coffee on the way.
  64. The time I let my toddler take a nap at 5pm.
  65. Saying I didn’t need anything for Mother’s Day.
  66. Sleeping on the couch last night. My back is not in it’s 20’s anymore.
  67. Buying expensive sunglasses.
  68. Buying cheap bras.
  69. The time I will never get back trying to finish The Goldfinch. 
  70. Teaching my kids how to use Alexa for their own personal gain.
  71. The time I wore white and then let my kids eat Cheetos near me.
  72. Basically any time I wore white post having kids.
  73. Not ordering dessert more often.
  74. Falling off the workout wagon.
  75. Forgetting my phone at the library.
  76. Forgetting my phone at the library right before it closes.
  77. Forgetting my phone at the library right before it closes on a Saturday night when they won’t be open again UNTIL TUESDAY!
  78. Thinking it was “just a rash” and ignoring it for a minute.
  79. Buying every toy we have that makes a ton of noise.
  80. Buying the Costco sized bag of raisins. When will I learn the kids will turn on anything I buy in bulk?
  81. Forgetting to restock toilet paper in the bathroom.
  82. Letting my kid take a nap at 4pm.
  83. Saying, “No I can do it myself” when I just should have said, “That would be great, thank you.”
  84. Leaving fake tanning lotion within reach of my two year old.
  85. Letting my kids own a cowbell.
  86. Not spending more of my kids’ formative years teaching them you don’t eat bananas out of the trash.
  87. Taking my fertility for granted.
  88. Getting the kids all excited to get Chick-fil-A and then remembering it’s Sunday.
  89. Anytime I ever took the kids with me when I had to try on clothes before buying them.
  90. Thinking I didn’t need a stroller anymore for a day at the aquarium with three kids.
  91. Forgetting to return the giant stack of kids’ library books on time.
  92. Letting my kid stay up WAY past his bedtime to watch “one more cool part” until the movie was over.
  93. Saying yes to Play-Doh.
  94. Not making it absolutely clear to my children that you HAVE to wear pants in public. All the time.
  95. Asking my son how I looked in my bathing suit. (Spoiler alert: “Squishy”)
  96. Not getting more pedicures.
  97. Not hiring a babysitter when I just needed a break.
  98. Believing my kid when he said he definitely had his shoes. (He did not).
  99. Anytime anyone ever made me feel bad about any of my parenting choices.

Because despite all these regrets, I love my kids, I (usually) love my life, and yes, I learned from allllllll those mistakes. Next time I’m super-sizing, signing my kid up for summer camp the day registration opens and getting that epidural dammit!

What do you regret?

parenting, The Salties, They Said WHAT?

7 Things You NEVER Thought You Had to Teach Your Kids

Having kids is a big responsibility. You hold your tiny baby and think, “I’m going to teach you letters and numbers and colors, how to throw a ball and how to read” and it can feel overwhelming and exciting all at the same time. Kids are constantly learning and part of our job is to facilitate this amazing experience for them. And then they take off their pants in a Chick-fil-A and you realize you’ve been focusing on all the wrong things. And there’s a whole world out there of things you NEVER thought you’d actually have to teach your kids.

So here are seven things we learned the hard way that you absolutely MUST teach your kids.

#whattoteachyourkids #stuffkidssay #funnystuffkidssay #momlife #kidssaythedarndestthings #theysaidwhat #whattoteachkids #teachingkids #whatshoulditeachkids #whatdokidsneedtolearn

Continue reading “7 Things You NEVER Thought You Had to Teach Your Kids”

Married with Children

5 Times You Should Stop Correcting Your Partner

As a stay at home Mom, I’m a little set in my ways. I have a routine down with my kids and somewhere along the line I started to think that the only way things could be done was my way. I became increasingly frustrated with the way my husband was doing things, because frankly, I thought he was doing them wrong. He was getting annoyed and volunteering to do things less. He wasn’t as hands on as he had been in the past and I grew to resent that.

Eventually, I found myself asking, “Am I too hard on my husband?”

The answer was totally yes.

If you think you might be too hard on your partner, here are 5 ways that I lightened up.

#critical #parenting #dads #dadsparenting #amitoocritical #amitooharsh #howmyhusbandparents #amitoouptight #supportivewife #supportivemother #marriedlife #marriedwithchildren #happilymarried

Continue reading “5 Times You Should Stop Correcting Your Partner”

Bouncing Babies, Effing Four Year Olds, koefoe party of 5, momlife, Momsquad, parenting, The Salties, Tips & Hacks

Tips for Leaving the House with Multiple Kids

I was at the Aquarium, Izzie on my hip, one eye on Cole and the other on Evie. Wait – where’s Evie? Oh, there she is! Yes, one eye on Evie. Check. A woman with a toddler caught my eye and exclaimed, “Wow! I’m not even brave enough to bring both my kids to the Aquarium and you’re here with three!”

I never know how to respond to these confessions from other Moms. As a Stay-at-Home-Mom, if I didn’t brave the outside world and leave the house with three kids, I’d never leave. So hiding inside doesn’t seem like much of an option. And sure, some places we go are much more painful than other places. (Yes, I’m looking at you Costco and Trader Joe’s). But a place specifically made for kids? It’s not always fun and it’s basically never easy, but I promise you that if I can do it, so can you.

Here are some tips to help you get through it. Continue reading “Tips for Leaving the House with Multiple Kids”

koefoe party of 5, Married with Children, momlife, The Daddys

The Romance is Dead. Sort of.

Once upon a time, when it was just the two of us, my husband and I were younger people with lots of energy. We could stay up late, watch TV, talk to each other, enjoy a cocktail and, well….you know what happens next in the RomCom that was our “Once upon a time.”

Then we got married. Had kids. Became chronically exhausted. And some elements of those younger people’s lives slowly fell off the radar. We stopped watching multi-season television series and settled for single season commitments like Survivor or American Horror Story. We were maybe the only people NOT pissed off about Game of Thrones being only seven episodes this season because it was manageable enough that we could finish it. Half the time one of us is asleep by the time the other gets back from putting the kids back in bed after their philosophical inquisition/demands for water/”one last hug.” Conversations are often about said kids, our upcoming schedule, or what needs to get done around the house. I’m too tired to even drink wine, so I’m not going to spell out for you what else I’m too tired for. Continue reading “The Romance is Dead. Sort of.”

Cheapskating, Chick-Fil-A, Mama Mojo, MicroLuxuries, momlife, Salty Mama Lists

25 Things That Make Us WAY Happier Than They Should

If you had told us before we had kids that one day we would be absolutely giddy over double naps, I’d probably had thought you were crazy. How exciting will it REALLY be? I mean, it’s two kids falling asleep at the same time. Probably happens all the time. Except when it turns out it’s about as rare as that solar eclipse everyone was freaking out over. Triple naps? Haley’s comet status. So yeah, we get WAY more excited than we ever thought we would.

Here are 25 other things that made us WAY happier than they should have:

  1. Getting a good parking spot at the YMCA. Or anywhere.
  2. Getting the “Right” cart at the grocery store.
  3. When Chick Fil A runs out of balloons.
  4. Drinking coffee while it is still hot.
  5. The corner piece of cake because it has the most icing.
  6. The kitchen floor drying without anyone stepping on it.
  7. Five minutes of peace and quiet.
  8. New flavors of potato chips.
  9. Real Housewives reunions.
  10. A white shirt with no stains on it.
  11. $1 CocaColas/Diet Cokes from McDonalds/Anywhere
  12. Drive-Thru Donut Shops
  13. A really good fast food coupon.
  14. An Ebates double cash back day (link to sign up!)
  15. Free snacks at ANYWHERE
  16. When you stuck out a lot of boogers with NoseFrida
  17. Playplaces where I can just sit and watch my kids play.
  18. Perfectly crisped bacon.
  19. Going anywhere alone. I went and got a TB test on my own this week and it felt like a vacation.
  20. Dance parties of any kind.
  21. Ordering an 8 piece chicken nuggets from Chick-Fil-A and getting 9 pieces.
  22. Almost any meal I don’t have to cook.
  23. Watching my kid bust a move to his favorite song, with moves NO ONE wants to see.
  24. Live eviction night on Big Brother
  25. Drop-off playdate…..or any playdate really. Just so long as I don’t have to do pretend play.

What else are you WAY too happy about?

Things That Make Moms Happy.png
Bouncing Babies, Cheapskating

MicroHustle Monday Presents: My Son Was a Model (For a Minute)

Abram Torrez HRFor one brief, shining, so-very-SoCal moment, my son was a model.

That’s right, an honest to goodness, has an agent and gets craft service, model.

And honestly? Best . MicroHustle. EVER.

It started when I submitted him casually for a job through an agency some friends of mine worked with.  We were out of town for the shoot dates, so that particular job went nowhere. But it did lead to him signing with a reputable kids’ modeling agency.

We were thrilled (I mean, that’s undeniable proof that your kid IS as cute as you think they are, am I right?), but no one was more thrilled than the grandparents. To be honest, I was almost embarrassed about it (did people think I was gonna be a stage mom now? Or that I was desperate? Or vain?) and I kind of tried to keep a lid on the whole thing. But the grandparents couldn’t help but tell everyone they saw anywhere that their grandson was a model before he had so much as snapped a picture.

I’m not gonna lie, getting started was a total nightmare. The agency we worked with was great, and SO helpful, but the mountain of paperwork was unreal. He needed a copy of his birth certificate and social security card (he was only three months old, so these had to be procured ahead of schedule).

He needed a work permit, and headshots, and bank accounts and a special Coogan account (so a portion of his earnings could be held in trust for when he is an adult, in accordance with California law).  But FINALLY, a few weeks later, he was ready to work.

Taking him to his first photoshoot in La Jolla was just this side of hysterical.  There was a gorgeous home, a million snacks, and a fake mommy and daddy for him to shoot with.  He had an onset “teacher” and an onset nurse who made sure his every need was attended to. He wore a freaking Burberry onesie that probably cost more than he made for shooting that day, and definitely cost more than the outfit I was wearing.

He shot for all of 15 minutes, and we were off.  It felt like the coolest little mommy-son adventure, he made some money for his college fund, and, honestly, he was none the wiser.

But by far our most lucrative “job” was for a prominent diaper company.  And since babies shoot best with their actual mommies, I got hired too. You heard me right- I am a paid model.  You can be impressed now.

Okay, you may not be impressed, but I was sure impressed with myself.  The set teachers held and loved on my baby while I got full hair, makeup, and wardrobe done.  Y’all. It was basically a vacation. We once again shot for twenty minutes, I got a free Diet Coke, and we were on our way with a VERY decent paycheck in our back pocket.  I quickly decided we would be doing this forever and all time.

And then, a few months and a few jobs later, the BAD SHOOT happened. Abe was ten months old, and was supposed to crawl towards a toy with a look of joy on his face.  Except Abe was not joyful. And he would not crawl towards that toy.

He wanted the camera, the lights, the lantern in the background.  He wanted to crawl fast, or stand up, or shake the toy like a polaroid picture.  Anything but what he was supposed to do. And honestly? I got PISSED.

These people were counting on him, had PAID him to be there, and he just wasn’t compliant. I turned into the anxious mom, the one who’s like, “He’s never usually like this” (Side note: he is), the one who’s like “I swear he can do it, just give him another chance.” They didn’t, and he didn’t, and I left there disappointed and even a little angry.

And that was enough for me, and so I called it. I know it was just one shoot. I know this was the opportunity of a lifetime.  I know that this was the best MicroHustle I could have hoped to find. And I still walked away.

Some parents can keep that good attitude, know that kids will be kids, and shake it off and try again next time.  THAT is who should be pursuing this. They’re in it for all the right reasons. But me? I can’t do it. And so WE couldn’t do it

Every once in a while, pictures from one of Abram’s few photoshoots will pop up on Facebook or the internet, and I get so wistful thinking of those one-on-one adventures we used to go on. And frankly, I think of the checks we used to deposit into his savings account (I mean, let’s not pretend that isn’t why we were doing it).

But then I remind myself of the monster I could quickly have become, and I come to peace with my decision.

The grandparents however? That’s a different story. But I’m sure they’ll forgive me… Someday.

*******

Want to see if becoming a baby model is a good fit for your family? Interested in getting your child started in the modeling industry? We don’t blame you. We were, too! We’ve got a great tutorial with lots of tips to get you started the right way!

My Son Was a Model Pinterest 2
My Son Was a Model Pinterest