In my mind, I’m the kind of assertive woman that speaks her mind. I’m a good role model for my children and will always stand up for myself, especially in front of them. I ain’t afraid of nobody and will tell them what’s up with all the confidence in the world. In reality? I’m just a really tired lady that thinks of witty comebacks about 45 minutes too late. So instead of telling all of these people what I really think of them in the moment – I’ll just leave these open letters here, and dream of the day they become viral and all the people that need to read them get the message.
As Moms we have a thousand “WTF just happened???” moments. Whether they happen in a kids play area with strangers or at our own family functions, we’re constantly exposed to other people’s opinions. It happens so often we need to become ducks and let that ish just roll off our back. Or we’d never make it. But some stories stick with us months later. And we just. can’t. let them go.
This is one of those.
This story starts as most annoying ones do….with me, minding my own business, trying to check out of a Target. Cart full of diapers and impulse purchases, Izzie in one arm the other just trying to scan my stuff so I could pay and get on my way.
Enter Nosy Lady of the Day:
Nosy: Cute baby. How old is he? Continue reading “My “Boy” Looking Baby Girl”
Confession: My favorite part of fast food lunch is the part where my kids play in the play area while I relax with a soda and, hopefully, one of my besties.
This is about as close as I get to a vacation
And as luck would have it, I got to spend some wonderful time doing just this thing today. As I sat down watching all three of my kids playing happily, I thought, this is the life. The Cherry Coke was perfection. The French fries, life changing. And the conversation with my friends – PRICELESS.
So imagine my horror when a Mom popped her head out of the play area today and asked, “Is one of you the Mom of the boy in the yellow shirt?” Continue reading “The Apology Tour”
Raising a bilingual child is so important these days. Many of our friends are choosing dual immersion schools for Spanish, and some are even sending their kids to school to learn Mandarin. For some, it’s about preparing kids to participate in a global economy. For others, it just happens to be the best program around. In many cases, parents just want children to be able to converse with their families.
Which is why Lila is learning the language of sarcasm VERY early on. Continue reading “The Sass is Strong with This One”
‘Tis the season for parties – and no party is more quintessential than the “Office Holiday Party.” If you’re lucky, you’ll attend one that’s got good food, an amazing location and, God-willing – an open bar. If you’re not lucky, you may find yourself at a potluck – maybe at your bosses house or maybe just in the breakroom. But you will get to take a few minutes to set aside work and party.
Unless you’re a SAHM.
Because we don’t get work parties. Sure, we might get to attend our partner’s office party, which is cool. We can trail behind them meeting everyone they work with, plastered with a smile and laughing overly unenthusiastically at the bosses jokes. We can shake one thousand hands and introduce ourselves to people who gush that they’ve “heard so much about you!” But you’ve never heard of them so don’t have a great response, but feign a blush and say “Thank you!” Hopefully, you’ve made a ragtag team of other spouses that you see at these events and can go hide near the desserts talking about anything other than the super boring thing your partner does. (Because mine builds ROCKET SHIPS and it’s still boring AF to talk about for 3 hours with people you don’t know).
And it isn’t much better if you’re a working Mom, because you’re basically working two jobs and only getting to party with one set of work friends.
So, I present to you: The Mom Office Party. That’s right, as soon as you’re done reading this, message your partner and tell them you’ve got another party to go to. Decide if you want it to be “employees only” or if partners are invited. Grab a babysitter if necessary. Then call up your girls and tell them to meet you at Applebee’s tomorrow night for $1 Long Island Iced Teas (because unfortunately, as independent contractors, we’ll be covering our own bar tab).
Note: It does not HAVE to be Applebee’s, that just happens to be where Jaymi and I will be tomorrow night, and the $1 drinks just happen to be our reason. Also, happy hour prices on apps all night, but you do you!
Realizing that Christmas is one week away and there’s no way you’ll squeeze this festive event in before that? No problem! Plan one for after the holiday rush is over and add in a “Re-Gift Exchange” for guaranteed laughs.
I mean, people are always telling us that while we might not go to a job but that we have the most important job in the world right? So let’s party like it!
Happy Holidays – and let us know where and how you decide to party!!
Yes, the internet is full of tips and advice for what NOT to say to a new Mom. Don’t give your advice on decisions she’s already thoughtfully made. Don’t tell her you once knew a girl in high school that was a total B that has the same name as her brand new perfect little baby. And of course say NOTHING about her appearance – except that she looks beautiful.
And yes, despite all those warnings, I have one more for you: Continue reading “Yet ANOTHER Thing You Shouldn’t Say to a New Mom”
When my husband asks me what’s wrong, there’s about a 97% chance that I’ll say, “I’m just tired.” And God bless him, 61% of the time he responds with, “I got this – go take a nap.” Then, being the tired complainer I am, I get irritated. Because I don’t want to nap when you decide to give me permission! I want to sleep when I want to!
Which isn’t fair. He’s being nice. And I go and be nasty in return. And then it dawned on me, I’m not just tired. I’m exhausted. And it’s a kind of exhaustion that all the sleep in the world won’t solve. Because I’m not tired of not getting sleep. I’m tired of the Mom jobs that I’m saddled with. They aren’t going away anytime soon, so maybe if I vent them out – hear what makes you exhausted – and hide with my tribe for a few minutes, I can slam a cup of coffee, shake it off, and push through.
Until I cry because they’ve all left me for college.
But for now, here’s why I’m tired:
Once upon a time, I was a fully functioning adult. I could remember all sorts of things without a thousand reminders. I
never rarely lost my car keys, stored non-refrigerator things in the refrigerator (I’m looking at you TV remote), or forgot how to drive to my house.
Then I got pregnant. And had kids. And never slept. And Mommy brain took over and ruined me. So I owe a few people my sincerest apologies.
Back in the day, when I knew everything about raising children, without actually having children, I just knew how my kids were going to behave. I knew that they would never dare to defy me, that they would have occasional tantrums and the like, but that they would always know who the boss was, and that ultimately they weren’t gonna get away with nothing. And they’d eventually give in. After all, I literally spent years as a trained behavior therapist. I understand behaviors and their root causes, I know how to troubleshoot them, to identify them, and to fix them. As a special education teacher, I always said I could outstubborn a rock, and there was no behavior that I couldn’t solve eventually, with my determination and patience. I was known for getting through to tricky kids, kids with off-the-wall behaviors, and kids who were simply defiant or stubborn. I like to say that I have a Master’s Degree in getting kids to behave, and although the piece of paper says something fancier than that, it’s basically what it amounts to. So my own kids, of all people, would absolutely know better than to truly test me.
Ha. Ha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
So the other day at the dentist. Continue reading “Disaster at the Dentist”
I am not the first woman to notice this, but dear GOD WHY CAN’T MEN FIND THINGS. I can’t decide if it’s a lack of commitment to finding said thing, or if it’s that they know they have wife-insurance in this regard, so it’s not like it’s never gonna get found, or if there is some honest to goodness optical difference with man-eyes that just cannot be helped. Continue reading “Man Eyes”