The internet has educated us on some important do’s and don’ts for the Nosy Nelly’s of the world. We know you don’t get to ask people when they’re having kids or if they’re having kids at all. We’ve established that you don’t get to ask people why they’re only having one kid. We’ve hammered home to not ask pushy questions about when people are adding to their family. Granted, some people will ask despite knowing all this, because they’re just those kinds of people.
But what if you’re the family that got married and had kids a year later. And then got pregnant again 9 months after that. And then got pregnant 12 months after that. And then decided that you’re actually not done having kids even though in my experience three seems to be the assumed maximum number of children a person should have. Because that’s our family. We’ve got three an we don’t plan on being done. Maybe we’ll have one more, maybe two, maybe my husband suggests three and I freak out and say “Don’t push it bro.”
But that family, my family, well guess what internet? You don’t get to ask that Mom really personal questions either. So here’s my list of actual questions I’ve been asked by strangers.
Make no mistake: We love our kids. We do. No matter what you read in the rest of this post, hold tight to that solid truth. But there is another truth, that is just as true: We HATE some of the games they require us to play with them. In no particular order, here are the worst kids games that we wouldn’t mind never ever ever not once having to play ever again.
As Moms (and Dads) sometimes we are shocked by the things that people think it’s okay to say – and do – us. Unfortunately, due to our broken #mombrains, we don’t always come up with the perfect response in the moment. So instead, we write anonymous passive aggressive lighthearted letters full of mom humor to the people that have wronged us. Yes, I’m talking about more letters to even more people that made us downright salty. Did you miss Part One? Make sure to check it out here and then come back to virtually punch some people in the face with me. As always, let us know who you’d add in the comments!
Another Saturday, another week of Mothering under our belt, another Saturday Six. Enjoy!
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1. Crafts and Cabin Fever
We’ve been housebound a lot recently thanks to rain, ear infections, and the dreaded flu. When we get cabin fever, we like to bust something out of our secret craft stash! This week, we looked forward to a break from the rain with this Hide and Seek Rock Painting kit that we can take outside when the clouds part! And you can’t go wrong with ANY of the craft kits from ALEX Toys! (But this one’s on sale for 50% off right now!)
2. We LOVE Low Mess Meals
Have you ever noticed how many delicious “One Pan” dishes there are on Pinterest? But then they’re all “We SAID one pan, but that’s really only if you have a cast iron skillet, and if you don’t then you need to use a regular skillet and then transfer into a baking dish, and I realize this changes EVERYTHING because you were really planning on this dinner when you pinned it and we lied to you about that one dish thing?”
Yeah, we’ve noticed it too. So Christine finally bit the bullet and bought this cast iron skillet and now she’ll never get screwed by Pinterest again. Well, until she tries to do some “kid friendly craft” that proves to be anything but…..
3. National Puppy Day
Is it any coincidence that Chad sent Christine a picture of puppies on National Puppy Day and suggested that one join the family? Spoiler alert: She said No. Or, more accurately, “HELL NO!” I mean, they’re cute and all, but puppies? Stay tuned and she’ll fill everyone in on the ten reasons she gave him for absolutely, under to circumstances, adding another family member let alone one covered in fur that will never be potty trained.
4. Christine is Having MAJOR Problems with Co-Sleeping.
Mainly, her kids all want to and she doesn’t. It’s like having a newborn again with all the shuffling kids back to their beds all night long. Or they stay and rub their feet on her all night long, which is worse. Christine and Chad considered getting an obscenely giant bed like this one from The Ace Collection, but knows they’d still end up getting pushed off the edge somehow. The struggle is real.
And if you haven’t ready any of that, well, now you have something to do while you drink your coffee! Or wine. We don’t judge.
6. Tragedy at Jaymi’s House
We love Abram, we really do, but we were not loving the way he threw Little Blue Truck across the room when he was done reading it peacefully. And we especially did not love the tragedy that befell the TV screen when it happened.
Help Jaymi not feel alone! Comment with the biggest tragic accident that’s happened at your house! And have a great weekend!
In my mind, I’m the kind of assertive woman that speaks her mind. I’m a good role model for my children and will always stand up for myself, especially in front of them. I ain’t afraid of nobody and will tell them what’s up with all the confidence in the world. In reality? I’m just a really tired lady that thinks of witty comebacks about 45 minutes too late. So instead of telling all of these people what I really think of them in the moment – I’ll just leave these open letters here, and dream of the day they become viral and all the people that need to read them get the message.
As Moms we have a thousand “WTF just happened???” moments. Whether they happen in a kids play area with strangers or at our own family functions, we’re constantly exposed to other people’s opinions. It happens so often we need to become ducks and let that nonsense just roll off our back. Or we’d never make it. But some stories stick with us months later. And we just. can’t. let them go.
This is one of those.
This story starts as most annoying ones do….with me, minding my own business, trying to check out of a Target. Cart full of diapers and impulse purchases, Izzie in one arm the other just trying to scan my stuff so I could pay and get on my way.
Enter Nosy Lady of the Day:
Nosy: Cute baby. How old is he?
Yes, people call my baby a boy all the time. And they called my son a girl. Fun fact, I don’t really care. Especially when it’s a stranger in Target that I will never see again.
Me: 10 months.
Nosy: Is he crawling yet?
Me: Walking already actually.
Yes, I don’t correct these people about the baby’s sex if I can talk around it. It’s just not worth it. They either get all offended that I haven’t dressed my child appropriately enough to highlight this fact to them or feel really bad and are way more apologetic than would ever be necessary.
Also, she kinda looks like a boy. Because she’s a baby.
Nosy: What’s his name?
Dang it, now I gotta come clean…
Me: Oh, actually, uh, she’s a girl. Her name is Isabella.
Nosy: A girl. Do people assume she’s a boy a lot? Because of this hair?
At this point, she reached out and touched my babies head – which, NO – as if to show off the fact that she has a boy haircut.
Me: Um, I mean, it’s not like we cut it like that, she’s just a baby and her hair hasn’t grown in very much I guess.
Nosy: Hrmph. Well are you going to get her ears pierced at least?
Me: No? We don’t have any plans to get her ears pierced.
Nosy: Well then how are people going to tell she’s a girl?
Me: You know, she’s 10 months old. It doesn’t really seem to bother her when people assume she’s a boy….and it doesn’t bother us. So it seems a little extreme to get her ears pierced –
Nosy: Why’d you name her Isabella?
Me: We liked it.
Nosy: I hope it’s not after that stupid Twilight movie. You know the girl in that movie? Bella? Her real name was Isabella. Do you call her Bella? I hope you don’t call her Bella.
At this point she finally started to take the hint that she needed to leave me the F alone before I use my arm that wasn’t holding IsaBELLA – the non pierced, short haired, boy looking baby to slap the nosy right off her face. Because the truth is I was PISSED. I don’t care that you thought she was a boy. I don’t care that you think her name is stupid. I don’t care what you think about Twilight.
But I kinda care that you’re offended that I’m not going to pierce my baby to make you more comfortable. And I kinda care that you’re that hung up on if my baby is a boy or a girl. I kinda care that you think I’m doing such an unforgivable disservice to my children by not swathing them in an assigned color so that they can be CLEAR about their sex before their first birthday.
Because what does it really matter? To you, to society, to whomever? It’s a baby. Give her a minute to just BE a baby – instead of who you think she should be. As long as she doesn’t end up some rude lady bothering people in Target, I’ll be one happy Mama.
Confession: My favorite part of fast food lunch is the part where my kids play in the play area while I relax with a soda and, hopefully, one of my besties.
This is about as close as I get to a vacation day hour.
And as luck would have it, I got to spend some wonderful time doing just this thing today. As I sat down watching all three of my kids playing happily, I thought, this is the life. The Cherry Coke was perfection. The French fries, life changing. And the conversation with my friends – PRICELESS.
Raising a bilingual child is so important these days. Many of our friends are choosing dual immersion schools for Spanish, and some are even sending their kids to school to learn Mandarin. For some, it’s about preparing kids to participate in a global economy. For others, it just happens to be the best program around. In many cases, parents just want children to be able to converse with their families.
‘Tis the season for parties – and no party is more quintessential than the “Office Holiday Party.” If you’re lucky, you’ll attend one that’s got good food, an amazing location and, God-willing – an open bar. If you’re not lucky, you may find yourself at a potluck – maybe at your bosses house or maybe just in the breakroom. But you will get to take a few minutes to set aside work and party.
Unless you’re a SAHM.
Because we don’t get work parties. Sure, we might get to attend our partner’s office party, which is cool. We can trail behind them meeting everyone they work with, plastered with a smile and laughing overly unenthusiastically at the bosses jokes. We can shake one thousand hands and introduce ourselves to people who gush that they’ve “heard so much about you!” But you’ve never heard of them so don’t have a great response, but feign a blush and say “Thank you!” Hopefully, you’ve made a ragtag team of other spouses that you see at these events and can go hide near the desserts talking about anything other than the super boring thing your partner does. (Because mine builds ROCKET SHIPS and it’s still boring AF to talk about for 3 hours with people you don’t know).
And it isn’t much better if you’re a working Mom, because you’re basically working two jobs and only getting to party with one set of work friends.
So, I present to you: The Mom Office Party. That’s right, as soon as you’re done reading this, message your partner and tell them you’ve got another party to go to. Decide if you want it to be “employees only” or if partners are invited. Grab a babysitter if necessary. Then call up your girls and tell them to meet you at Applebee’s tomorrow night for $1 Long Island Iced Teas (because unfortunately, as independent contractors, we’ll be covering our own bar tab).
Note: It does not HAVE to be Applebee’s, that just happens to be where Jaymi and I will be tomorrow night, and the $1 drinks just happen to be our reason. Also, happy hour prices on apps all night, but you do you!
Realizing that Christmas is one week away and there’s no way you’ll squeeze this festive event in before that? No problem! Plan one for after the holiday rush is over and add in a “Re-Gift Exchange” for guaranteed laughs.
I mean, people are always telling us that while we might not go to a job but that we have the most important job in the world right? So let’s party like it!
Happy Holidays – and let us know where and how you decide to party!!
Yes, the internet is full of tips and advice for what NOT to say to a new Mom. Don’t give your advice on decisions she’s already thoughtfully made. Don’t tell her you once knew a girl in high school that was a total B that has the same name as her brand new perfect little baby. And of course say NOTHING about her appearance – except that she looks beautiful.