Mama Loves a Party, Married with Children, momlife, parenting, The Daddys, They Said WHAT?, Traditions, Why We're Salty

A Very Merry Mom-Birthday, To Me

I found out I was pregnant with my first child just before my 30th birthday. It was a stupid deadline in my head, so besides the “We’re having a baby!” excitement, I also was celebrating hitting my silly goal. As we were setting up for my “Casino Night” theme birthday party, I was on all kinds of highs.

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Then my husband said, “Enjoy it! It’s basically you’re last birthday.”

Uh, wait, what?? Continue reading “A Very Merry Mom-Birthday, To Me”

Crafty Mamas, Mama Loves a Party, The Salties, Tips & Hacks

Putting the GOOD Back in Goodie Bags

I.Hate. Goodie Bags.

There I said it.

Controversial? Sure. But true. SO FREAKING TRUE. I just want them gone. But as I stare at an ominous October calendar that has a giant star on October 8, my youngest daughter’s first birthday party, I start to waver in my conviction. Because as much as I don’t want to make them, I know there will be kids that expect them. Hell, there will be parents that expect them.

I’ve given into the Goodie Bag monster before. At my sons second birthday I made little 11401548_10207121368018916_8004798448923372245_ncanvas bags, complete with each child’s name on them. A dinosaur themed event, each kid got “fossil dig” brushes – each with painstakingly Cricut-ed labels – and of course, the homemade salt dough fossils to go with them. There were bubble wants and homemade crayons in the shape of dinosaurs. And I’m not gonna lie, it was ADORABLE. But looking back, Good God was it a lot of work!

By the time I got to my second child’s first birthday party at the end of December, each kid got one coloring calendar. Because easy.

Three days away from the seventh birthday party in my resume, and I’m ready to throw in the towel and say eff it. I’m afraid I’m not going to get my dream of saying goodbye to the goodie bags, so here are a few Do’s and Don’ts for putting the GOOD back in Goodie Bag! Continue reading “Putting the GOOD Back in Goodie Bags”

Effing Four Year Olds, momlife, parenting, The Salties, Why We're Salty

My Daughter Went Feral (And Not in the Way That’s Trendy Right Now)

My daughter just went full on feral at a birthday party.
One minute, we’re laughing and taking pictures, and the next she’s screaming and clawing and BITING. All because someone “took” the seat she had planned to sit on. I guess I should be grateful she took it out on me instead of the clueless offender, or else I’d never be able to show my face in that circle again. But it’s hard to be grateful for anything when you’re wresting a gnashing alligator that used to be your child in front of a group of people whose opinions and parenting styles you respect.
I mean, what the HELL. If she was a dog we’d be talking about whether or not it’s safe to keep her, but because she’s human, I don’t get a say in the matter. I have to keep her. Safe surrender at a fire station is only good for babies up to three days old. Not that I checked or anything.
But I don’t have to let her keep her cupcake. That bad boy is going right in the trash. It is quite literally the VERY least I could do, on a scale of cupcake tossing to orphanage, so frankly she should be grateful.
Now I’m gonna go nurse my wounds (figurative, luckily, thanks to my seven year career as a bite-dodging-teacher) with a diet Coke the size of my head. Maybe with some vodka in it this time.
Kids know exactly how to embarrass their parents...like by going feral at a birthday party. Read what this hilarious mom did next at thesaltymamas.com!