The best way to get through the holidays is to laugh at other parents’ misfortune. So we pulled together 25 hilarious holiday tweets to keep you going – and help you remember that we’re all just suffering through until December 26.
Unless your kids are getting toys that make lots and lots of noise. Then the suffering is never-ending my friend.
So happy holidays to all the Salty Mamas and Papas that do it anyway because we love these little stinkers.
Before having kids, I was hella spontaneous. Whether it was last minute dinner plans, answering a friends invite of “let’s go out!” or literally leaving brunch to hit the road and go to Vegas, I was up for it all and with very few questions. So you can only imagine the ton of bricks that hit me when I had this tiny little baby. A baby that needed bottles and diapers and wipes and extra outfits and binkys and a suitcase full of miscellaneous items for a quick trip to Target. I mean, how much stuff do I need to run errands with kids?
And it’s not just the stuff – the stuff is manageable, and you can tackle leaving the house with a bunch of kids. But you have to know where you’re going! And I’m not just talking how to get there fastest. There are a lot of things you never realized you need to consider before picking a location to take your kids. So now, I basically never leave the house without answering these six questions first.
We live in a fast paced world where there are opportunities around every corner. And we’re supposed to say, “YES!.” I mean, it’s the age of #YOLO and #NoRegrets. It’s a time when we’re supposed to grab the bull by the horns and when Andy Cohen asks you if you regret anything you said or did this season you can proudly say “I don’t believe in regrets.” (I’m looking at you Luann). But me? I’m sitting over here being a medical test dummy for my 3 year old and thinking how I absolutely should not have let her get the Doc McStuffins kit for pooping in the potty. Sure, I could try to brush it off as a “learning experience” but we’d rather go back in time and prevent the thermometer wet willy I just got from ever happening. That, and these other 99 things.
Not accepting WAY more help when it was offered in the first couple years of parenting.
That one Halloween when I ate all the candy.
Not getting more pedicures.
Wearing white shirts when my kids were babies.
The number of times I was too lazy to make myself a meal and had chips and salsa for dinner.
That one trip to Reno with two kids under two and cramming four people in two airplane seats.
The time I assumed my kids fussiness was due to teething and not to an ear infection.
Not bringing an extra pair of pants.
Taking all three kids to the movies at the same time.
Telling the kids about the super fun and exciting thing we’re not doing until next week.
Beating myself up about not losing the baby weight.
The time I peeked in on the kids at the YMCA and the baby saw me and started to cry.
Buying so many tubs of low carb ice cream before deciding I don’t care about carbs.
Not taking more pictures of myself with the kids when they were teeny tiny babies.
Asking my son how I looked in my bathing suit. (Spoiler alert: “Squishy”)
Not getting more pedicures.
Not hiring a babysitter when I just needed a break.
Believing my kid when he said he definitely had his shoes. (He did not).
Anytime anyone ever made me feel bad about any of my parenting choices.
Because despite all these regrets, I love my kids, I (usually) love my life, and yes, I learned from allllllll those mistakes. Next time I’m super-sizing, signing my kid up for summer camp the day registration opens and getting that epidural dammit!
Make no mistake: We love our kids. We do. No matter what you read in the rest of this post, hold tight to that solid truth. But there is another truth, that is just as true: We HATE some of the games they require us to play with them. In no particular order, here are the worst kids games that we wouldn’t mind never ever ever not once having to play ever again.
As a stay at home Mom, I’m a little set in my ways. I have a routine down with my kids and somewhere along the line I started to think that the only way things could be done was my way. I became increasingly frustrated with the way my husband was doing things, because frankly, I thought he was doing them wrong. He was getting annoyed and volunteering to do things less. He wasn’t as hands on as he had been in the past and I grew to resent that.
Eventually, I found myself asking, “Am I too hard on my husband?”
The answer was totally yes.
If you think you might be too hard on your partner, here are 5 ways that I lightened up.
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We’ve been back for a week and somehow we’re STILL exhausted! Here are the six things helping us get back in the groove this week!
Yes, we got to spend a lot of time away from the kids last weekend, but we were also away from our husbands. Which, on the one hand – Yay! – but on the other hand, we do love those guys. So this weekend we are living for date night! Christine and Chad committed to date nights this year by buying season passes to a local theater. Last night was The King and I and dinner alone at a place with fancy tablecloths, craft cocktails, and ordering fancy dessert.
We spent a chunk of dinner making a list of all the date nights we want to do in the future – taking a cooking lesson together, a virtual reality arcade night, one of those paint and drink wine nights, and a tour of some sort of nerdy facility (guess who wants to do that one???) What’s your favorite creative date night? Continue reading “Saturday Six”→
In our house, Mommy is home with the kids all day, every day, and Daddy goes off to work every morning. Like a man going off to war, mornings are full of hugs, tears and promises that he will return soon. After the last hug, the last kiss, the kids rush together climbing up the couch – and over each other – to press themselves against the window to get one last glance of Daddy as he heroically drives off to his job. Then they turn and look at me as if to say, “So it’s just you and us again?” Mommy No-Fun is here. I enforce breakfast rules, make everyone change out of pajamas and into clothes and chase them around with shoes and lunch bags and beg them to just please get in the car already. It’s often chaotic, but for the most part we have our routines down.
We repeat this process for the next five days until finally the weekend hits. We fall into our Saturday routine – breakfast, errands together, something fun as a family. But eventually we hit a bump in the road. Maybe the kids spill some crackers, make a mess, and have a total freakout. Maybe Cole and Evie get into an epic swordfight over who gets to pick what show they watch while I’m cooking. Maybe Cole REALLY doesn’t want to ride in the shopping cart and throws an epic fit.