The best way to get through the holidays is to laugh at other parents’ misfortune. So we pulled together 25 hilarious holiday tweets to keep you going – and help you remember that we’re all just suffering through until December 26.
Unless your kids are getting toys that make lots and lots of noise. Then the suffering is never-ending my friend.
So happy holidays to all the Salty Mamas and Papas that do it anyway because we love these little stinkers.
And this is why I stick to Lego
Everyone: We find square and rectangular packages easiest to wrap.
Toy manufacturers: So, dodecahedrons!?
TM: asymmetrical rhombus!?
TM: ohh!!!! We know, ovals with a squared bottoms!
— 🎄🎅🏽Heather🦈Doo doo Doo doo (@dishs_up) December 11, 2018
Channel the spirit
“I need to get in the holiday spirit” is code for “I want to eat a shit-ton of Christmas cookies, drink Baileys, and watch Home Alone in my pajamas.”
— Mother Haggard (@MotherHaggard) December 18, 2018
My plus one
*RSVP’ing to Christmas party*
Whispering into phone: is it ok if I bring my weird roommate?
Husband, from behind me: STOP CALLING ME THAT
— not the WORST mom 🤷🏽♀️ (@nottheworstmom) November 26, 2017
You can never be too prepared
Me: Kids, I need you all to start singing different songs as loud as you can!
5: Jingle bells…
3: Pup pup pup puppy dog paaaals
2: Twinkle, twinkle…
Me: *smiling and nodding*
Him: What are you doing???
Me: Practicing smiling for the Kinder Winter Sing tonight.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) December 18, 2018
And the award for best Christmas card goes to:
— Mum thats a bad word! (@Christielee2806) December 15, 2018
It’s not weird, it’s unique!
-seasonal matching decor
-stockings hanging by an actual fireplace
-annual holiday card
-crêche missing Joseph and one shepherd (??) Lego “baby Jesus”
-stockings hang on bookshelf just below visible stash of Halloween candy
-reindeer Snapchat filter thirst trap
— ErBear (@Rica_Bee) December 18, 2018
Multicultural Christmas for the win!
Today, the toddler came up to me and said “feliz cumpleaños”. Still confused as to how she knows Spanish, I ask her where she learned that. The toddler points behind me. I turn around and see teenage Dora on the TV.
— That Momma in the Desert (@thatmommainaz) December 18, 2018
Emily Post Preschool Edition
Is it appropriate to bring a flask to a preschool winter tea?
Asking for every parent at my kids’ school.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) December 18, 2018
The REAL Christmas miracle
Can I fast forward through the shopping, wrapping, and planning and get straight to the part where I do nothing but eat and drink in my pajamas for 48 hours?
— Micah (@ParentalGrit) December 18, 2018
At least no one is cousin Eddie?
December is hard when your spouse is the Grinch and you’re Buddy the Elf.
— Holly Jolly Hot Mess Mama (@h0tmessmama) December 3, 2018
Our kids took the most perfect Christmas photos in their elf pjs this past weekend. They all had perfect smiles, no one cried and everyone looked right at the camerahahahahahahahaha!
No, no they didn’t.
— Shaun (@Shaundsmith80) November 28, 2018
It’s not a race….but still.
Wife: How many presents did you get wrapped?
Me (proudly): 4
Wife: in an hour?
Me: they were oddly shaped.
— Travisn’t here (@travisbyday) December 10, 2018
It’s go time!
Watching the scene in Home Alone when everyone is rushing around in a panic to get ready to go to the airport, and I feel that’s how my family and I look anytime we are getting ready to leave the house
— ☕️🎄🧣Peppermint Mocha Mombie 🧣🎄☕️ (@MamaMooMoo87) December 17, 2018
Santa’s got nothing on Mom
She is making a list, checking it twice. Gonna cross out a bunch of shit she ain’t got time for while still making the holidays nice. #momlife
— Momkward (@ImaAwkwardMom) December 18, 2018
Sexy meat. No, really.
My husband is way too excited to show me his spiral ham.
Unfortunately, that’s not a euphemism. #marriedlife
— 🎅🏽🎄Merry Marissa🎄❄️ (@natsmama75) December 23, 2017
What if this ornament could be both a treasured family heirloom AND a toy, so that way…….ooops I broke it NEVERMIND HAHAHA😁😂😁😂!!!
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) December 18, 2018
If I put a giant bow on our bed and say “Merry Christmas!” to my husband, he will be ecstatic because it means he’s getting lucky
If my husband puts a giant bow on our bed and says “Merry Christmas!” to me, I will be ecstatic, because it means I’m getting a long winter’s nap
— ☕️🎄🧣Peppermint Mocha Mombie 🧣🎄☕️ (@MamaMooMoo87) November 26, 2018
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) December 18, 2018
The bullies in A Christmas Story grew up to become the Home Alone burglars. Prove me wrong. pic.twitter.com/Jv1kDShA3c
— The Dadvocate (@thedadvocate01) December 18, 2018
I’m just gonna browse for a minute…
Me: Christmas catalogs are so ridiculous. Who buys this stuff?
Also me: orders a “There’s No Place Like Gnome” welcome mat and a summer sausage
— LOL @My Parenting (@LOLMyParenting) November 3, 2018
Tis the Season to buy in bulk!
I hope I live to see enough Christmases to use up this huge case of “‘Tis the season” napkins I just got at Costco.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) December 18, 2018
An existential dilemma
Wondering what I am going to do after Christmas when there are no more Hallmark Christmas movies to watch. Does the world just end or what?
— The Accidental Domestic (@sheratfriedman) December 13, 2018
I bought my dog a Christmas present today and hid it in the basement with the other presents, just in case you were wondering how weird I am.
— Kerry Chan (@mrsfrenchbread) December 18, 2018
Threat Level: RomCom
Him: Want to watch a movie?
Me: Sure. Alexa, set timer for 5 minutes.
Him: What are you doing?
Me: If you don’t pick something from Netflix in 5 minutes we’re watching a holiday Hallmark movie.
*And that is what we call motivation*#marriedlife
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) December 11, 2018
Twelve Days of Toddlers
On the 12th day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me
12 toddler tantrums
11 “I don’t want to’s!”
10 sticky hands
9 broken toys
8 spilled milks
7 runny noses
6 walls a drawn on
5 “I HATE YOUUUUUU’S”
4 “me do it’s”
3 rugs a peed on
2 meals a thrown down
And a poopy in the potty
— Celeste Yvonne – The Ultimate Mom Challenge (@andwhatamom) December 15, 2018
Loved these hilarious holiday tweets and looking for more? Check out these other roundups from The Salty Mamas!