It’s raining here. Again. And as Southern California Mamas, we are the first to admit that we are NOT used to it. Like, we barely own umbrellas kind of not used to it. So at the first sign of a sprinkle we’re making sure the kids actually have jackets and are scrambling to try to keep the family dry. As usual, we thought about ourselves last. We had no idea how to survive a rainy day inside with kids. So here are some thing that help us get through our day trapped inside!
The best way to get through the holidays is to laugh at other parents’ misfortune. So we pulled together 25 hilarious holiday tweets to keep you going – and help you remember that we’re all just suffering through until December 26.
Unless your kids are getting toys that make lots and lots of noise. Then the suffering is never-ending my friend.
So happy holidays to all the Salty Mamas and Papas that do it anyway because we love these little stinkers.
If you have kids, you are NO stranger to all the crazy reasons that they’ll throw a fit. And yet, no matter how many tantrums you’ve witnessed, you’ll never stop being amazed at the things kids can freak out over. So we scoured Twitter for some of the funniest, craziest, most ludicrous reasons kids cry. Then, we asked our followers – Why did your kids cry?
Here’s what they told us!
The kids are going back to school, and we’re having all the feelings about it. But at least we can take to Twitter to know that we are not alone. Check out these sometimes hilarious, sometimes kicks you in the feels, but always keepin’ it real, back to school tweets.
Well when you put it that way….
Everybody wants their kids to go back to school, until they’re stranded on the toilet without toilet paper and no one’s around to grab a new roll.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) August 17, 2018
It’s important to know the rules.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) August 20, 2017
Does the playground count?
Just when I think I have this parenting thing down, my 9 y/o daughter looks at me while back to school shopping and whispers “Mommy, my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard” #momlife
— Anna Zap (@AnnaZapOnAir) August 18, 2018
Back to school Murphy’s Law SUCKS
— Treehousethreadsblog (@treehouseblog) August 18, 2018
Teachers are so magical
*observing my daughter in preschool*
Me: Ok, but how do you get her to just sit there and listen?
Teacher: We practice patience and teach them to do the same.
Me: Right, right. But, like, what bribes are you using?
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) August 6, 2018
A different kind of sniffles
Told my stepdaughter she could only pick one dress for her first day of school look and she stormed off in a huff so I’m over here in Kohl’s rage sniffing autumn candles if you need me. #momlife #parenting #kohls #momsquad #dadlife
— Marissa ? (@natsmama75) August 18, 2018
Now THAT’S early childhood education
So my 3yo came home from her new preschool saying “save the issues for your tissues.”
So yeah, we’re really happy to see our money is so well spent on these kinds of life lessons.
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) August 17, 2018
Let the conversations begin!
Conversations with my kids during the school year:
Kids at breakfast: meh
Kids on the way to school: bleh
Kids after school: unh
Kids at dinner: ergh
Kids at bedtime: LET ME DESCRIBE THE LAST 7 YEARS OF MY LIFE IN DETAIL—IT BEGAN IN YOUR WOMB IN THE SUMMER OF 2010…
— Miranda Asebedo (@MirandaWriteNow) August 16, 2018
Friendly parenting advice: Don’t start any elaborate and adorable 1st day of school traditions for your first kid you won’t be able to keep up for the rest of the kids.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) August 20, 2018
If thinking this is wrong, I don’t wanna be right….
Am I wrong to expect mimosas at this 9:15am meeting at my child school? It does say on the announcement “do not bring children if possible”. So in my opinion it would be very misleading if no alcohol is served as we prepare our children for Kindergarten.
— Mommin’ All Day Every Day (@DayMommin) August 17, 2018
I just found my spirit animal.
my 7yo has been living in her robe and saying “pants are overrated” so going back to school in two weeks will be fun
— nicole tersigni (@nicsigni) August 20, 2018
It’s never too early for all the feelings.
All these first day of school posts already got me ? thinking about my son’s first day… which won’t happen for 3 more years ? #momlife
— Bekah Roberts (@sincerelybeks) August 20, 2018
May we all be so brave.
In case you were wondering if I was a wreck dropping off The Boy for his first day of middle school today, I WAS NOT. I unceremoniously told him to get out of the car and didn’t start getting teary until I was more than 5 miles away. #MomLife
— E.M. Caines (@EMCaines) August 16, 2018
Take pictures of your kids each year on the first day of school.
— Micah (@ParentalGrit) August 13, 2018
Back to school shopping just got REAL
my kids’ back-to-school shopping list
8 reams of paper
76 packs of kleenex
a box of unworn britney spears concert t-shirts
a black tesla with off-burgundy interior
2 baby mastodons
the original copy of the declaration of independence
— MillerCycle (@millercycle) August 15, 2018
Because of course he did…
My kids have been fighting like cats and dogs all summer. It’s 10:30 am on the first day of school, and my son is asking when we can go pick up his sister. ??♀️ #Firstdayofschool2018 #siblings #momlife #lifewithkids
— Gabby Cullen (@gabbycullen) August 20, 2018
Got it, got it, got it – DON’T got it!
Just dropped off the 4 year old for his first day of preschool. I’m holding it together.
*flips open writing notebook*
*sees page where he practiced writing his name*
I am NOT holding it together.???
— Rebecca Frohling (@chipmunkofpower) August 20, 2018
Hi, my name is what?
Today was my kids’ first day of school ever. They were previously homeschooled. I asked my son if he made friends at school. He said he did. I asked what their names were. He responded:
— Stephenie Peterson (@NellieNovaBook) August 15, 2018
— Dad with a Beer (@DadWithABeer) August 14, 2018
Wait, we have to do this AGAIN?
— Tabitha Newton (@TabithaNewton23) August 15, 2018
As a Mom, I’m contractually obligated to think my kids are adorable. The cutest kids in the world even. So when I look at my stunningly beautiful children, I do so with the awareness that I’m wearing some serious Mom-colored glasses. I don’t gush about it because the real world may see them through normal glasses and think, “Meh.” But when your bestie, who also happened to have a stint as a Mom to a real life baby model, says, “Hey, have you considered sending in her pics to a modeling agency?,” you think maybe your kid really is as cute as you think she is!
Of course, being a baby model is more than just being cute. And it’s a whole process to get into the game, but thankfully the bestie was there to hold my hand and walk me through the process. So I followed her advice, got some bright solid colored outfits and bought myself a Groupon to the JCPenney portrait studio and crossed my fingers. We got some great shots so I nervously – but somewhat confidently – went to the websites for some reputable local youth talent agencies and submitted my daughter’s pictures.
It wasn’t even 12 hours later before I got our first rejection email. I was immediately thrown into the five stages of baby model rejection. Should you find yourself thinking about entering the cutthroat world of baby modeling, you should be ready to experience all of these feelings as well. (But I’m sure you won’t – because your kid is adorable!)
There are two kinds of toddlers: the kind that are super picky eaters and the kind that aren’t. And there’s a ton of helpful information out there to help your picky eater. Which is awesome! But as much as having kids that won’t eat anything is a major PITA, I’m here to tell you that having kids that eat EVERYTHING isn’t that great either. So whether your kid is a human garbage disposal too, or you just want to feel better about your situation, here are five things that are major downsides to having kids that everyone considers to be “great” eaters.
We live in a fast paced world where there are opportunities around every corner. And we’re supposed to say, “YES!.” I mean, it’s the age of #YOLO and #NoRegrets. It’s a time when we’re supposed to grab the bull by the horns and when Andy Cohen asks you if you regret anything you said or did this season you can proudly say “I don’t believe in regrets.” (I’m looking at you Luann). But me? I’m sitting over here being a medical test dummy for my 3 year old and thinking how I absolutely should not have let her get the Doc McStuffins kit for pooping in the potty. Sure, I could try to brush it off as a “learning experience” but we’d rather go back in time and prevent the thermometer wet willy I just got from ever happening. That, and these other 99 things.
- Not accepting WAY more help when it was offered in the first couple years of parenting.
- That one Halloween when I ate all the candy.
- Not getting more pedicures.
- Wearing white shirts when my kids were babies.
- The number of times I was too lazy to make myself a meal and had chips and salsa for dinner.
- That one trip to Reno with two kids under two and cramming four people in two airplane seats.
- The time I assumed my kids fussiness was due to teething and not to an ear infection.
- Not bringing an extra pair of pants.
- And underwear.
- Taking all three kids to the movies at the same time.
- Telling the kids about the super fun and exciting thing we’re not doing until next week.
- Beating myself up about not losing the baby weight.
- The time I peeked in on the kids at the YMCA and the baby saw me and started to cry.
- Buying so many tubs of low carb ice cream before deciding I don’t care about carbs.
- Not taking more pictures of myself with the kids when they were teeny tiny babies.
- Not making that drink a double.
- Waiting so long to give my son formula.
- The time we went to Chuck E Cheese at noon on a Saturday.
- Forgetting to grab the wipes.
- Not getting an epidural on that second baby (Jaymi).
- Not getting an epidural on that third baby (Christine).
- Pretty much all of 2004.
- Not giving all these people a piece of my mind in the moment.
- That seventh “blue drink” on the cruise.
- Not super sizing my fries when I had the chance.
- Parking my car on the street the night it got side swiped.
- Not taking my kid to the bathroom the first time they said they had to go.
- Asking my sister about how long she thought it would be until she had the baby. While she was in labor.
- Stopping for diapers on St. Patrick’s Day 2014, because during the time it to me to get them my daughter got bit by a dog.
- Not using my Chick-fil-A reward before it expired that one time.
- You know those letters your therapist tells you to write, but not send? I regret sending it.
- Waiting so long to buy LuLaRoe leggings.
- Letting my kids eat in the car.
- Keeping a Sharpie within arms reach of my children.
- Not teaching my kids that they have to wear underwear every single day.
- Everything about this situation.
- Letting my kid sleep in my room so long.
- Moving my kid out of their crib when I did.
- Watching Waterworld.
- Not noticing the Starbucks cup in the trash can before my 18 month old drank out of it.
- Almost every time I’ve answered an unknown number on my phone.
- Waiting so long to replace our old college furniture.
- Not printing out more pictures of my kids.
- Leaving my kids lunchbox in the car overnight.
- Forgetting to call the YMCA and not getting a spot in the kids club.
- Introducing my kids to the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.
- Not sleeping when the baby slept.
- Wearing cheap bras.
- Not checking under the carseats when I thought the car was clean.
- Not going to Applebee’s more often for $1 drink specials.
- Yelling at the girl at the McDonald’s drive through when I was having a rough day and my coupon wouldn’t scan.
- Drinking that coffee at 8pm. And yes, it’s probably the only time I’ve EVER regretted drinking a coffee.
- Every time I’ve ever refused pain medication.
- Not noticing until 8 at night, home alone, with all three kids, that we were COMPLETELY OUT of diapers.
- Wearing high heels to my kids’ baptisms.
- Forgetting it was street sweeping day.
- Buying generic cough drops.
- Forgetting to turn everything off and ruining my Ohm Hour streak.
- Not signing my kid up for the summer camp he really wanted before it sold out.
- Running into the baby’s room to make sure she’s alive only to have the running wake her up.
- Repeatedly running into the baby’s room, after not having learned my lesson the first time.
- Not getting a refill on my Cherry Coke before leaving Chick-fil-A.
- Choosing being on time over getting coffee on the way.
- The time I let my toddler take a nap at 5pm.
- Saying I didn’t need anything for Mother’s Day.
- Sleeping on the couch last night. My back is not in it’s 20’s anymore.
- Buying expensive sunglasses.
- Buying cheap bras.
- The time I will never get back trying to finish The Goldfinch.
- Teaching my kids how to use Alexa for their own personal gain.
- The time I wore white and then let my kids eat Cheetos near me.
- Basically any time I wore white post having kids.
- Not ordering dessert more often.
- Falling off the workout wagon.
- Forgetting my phone at the library.
- Forgetting my phone at the library right before it closes.
- Forgetting my phone at the library right before it closes on a Saturday night when they won’t be open again UNTIL TUESDAY!
- Thinking it was “just a rash” and ignoring it for a minute.
- Buying every toy we have that makes a ton of noise.
- Buying the Costco sized bag of raisins. When will I learn the kids will turn on anything I buy in bulk?
- Forgetting to restock toilet paper in the bathroom.
- Letting my kid take a nap at 4pm.
- Saying, “No I can do it myself” when I just should have said, “That would be great, thank you.”
- Leaving fake tanning lotion within reach of my two year old.
- Letting my kids own a cowbell.
- Not spending more of my kids’ formative years teaching them you don’t eat bananas out of the trash.
- Taking my fertility for granted.
- Getting the kids all excited to get Chick-fil-A and then remembering it’s Sunday.
- Anytime I ever took the kids with me when I had to try on clothes before buying them.
- Thinking I didn’t need a stroller anymore for a day at the aquarium with three kids.
- Forgetting to return the giant stack of kids’ library books on time.
- Letting my kid stay up WAY past his bedtime to watch “one more cool part” until the movie was over.
- Saying yes to Play-Doh.
- Not making it absolutely clear to my children that you HAVE to wear pants in public. All the time.
- Asking my son how I looked in my bathing suit. (Spoiler alert: “Squishy”)
- Not getting more pedicures.
- Not hiring a babysitter when I just needed a break.
- Believing my kid when he said he definitely had his shoes. (He did not).
- Anytime anyone ever made me feel bad about any of my parenting choices.
Because despite all these regrets, I love my kids, I (usually) love my life, and yes, I learned from allllllll those mistakes. Next time I’m super-sizing, signing my kid up for summer camp the day registration opens and getting that epidural dammit!
What do you regret?
As Moms (and Dads) sometimes we are shocked by the things that people think it’s okay to say – and do – us. Unfortunately, due to our broken #mombrains, we don’t always come up with the perfect response in the moment. So instead, we write
anonymous passive aggressive lighthearted letters full of mom humor to the people that have wronged us. Yes, I’m talking about more letters to even more people that made us downright salty. Did you miss Part One? Make sure to check it out here and then come back to virtually punch some people in the face with me. As always, let us know who you’d add in the comments!