Mom Humor

The Five Stages of Baby Model Rejection

As a Mom, I’m contractually obligated to think my kids are adorable. The cutest kids in the world even. So when I look at my stunningly beautiful children, I do so with the awareness that I’m wearing some serious Mom-colored glasses. I don’t gush about it because the real world may see them through normal glasses and think, “Meh.” But when your bestie, who also happened to have a stint as a Mom to a real life baby model, says, “Hey, have you considered sending in her pics to a modeling agency?,” you think maybe your kid really is as cute as you think she is!

Of course, being a baby model is more than just being cute. And it’s a whole process to get into the game, but thankfully the bestie was there to hold my hand and walk me through the process. So I followed her advice, got some bright solid colored outfits and bought myself a Groupon to the JCPenney portrait studio and crossed my fingers. We got some great shots so I nervously – but somewhat confidently – went to the websites for some reputable local youth talent agencies and submitted my daughter’s pictures.

It wasn’t even 12 hours later before I got our first rejection email. I was immediately thrown into the five stages of baby model rejection. Should you find yourself thinking about entering the cutthroat world of baby modeling, you should be ready to experience all of these feelings as well. (But I’m sure you won’t – because your kid is adorable!)

Rejected by a talent agency? Us too. Check out these five hilarious stages of rejection! #momhumor #mommyhumor #babymodel #babymodelreject #talentedbaby #talentagency #howtostartmodeling #howtostartmykidmodeling #photography #kids #kidmodel #toddlermodel #toddlerphotography #shouldmykidbeamodel #ismykidcuteenough #childactor #childmodel #
Continue reading “The Five Stages of Baby Model Rejection”

momlife

The Dark Side of Having Kids That Are “Great” Eaters

There are two kinds of toddlers: the kind that are super picky eaters and the kind that aren’t. And there’s a ton of helpful information out there to help your picky eater. Which is awesome! But as much as having kids that won’t eat anything is a major PITA, I’m here to tell you that having kids that eat EVERYTHING isn’t that great either. So whether your kid is a human garbage disposal too, or you just want to feel better about your situation, here are five things that are major downsides to having kids that everyone considers to be “great” eaters.

Before you get too jealous of your friends whose kids eat everything, read this! #pickyeaters #kidsthateateverything #foodiekid #kidfoodies #minifoodie #littlefoodie #kidsmeals #kidseatveggies #kidseatfruit #getmoreveggiesforkids #momlife #dadlife #foodbtattles #eatingoutwithkids

Continue reading “The Dark Side of Having Kids That Are “Great” Eaters”

Salty Mama Lists

100 Things I Regret

We live in a fast paced world where there are opportunities around every corner. And we’re supposed to say, “YES!.” I mean, it’s the age of #YOLO and #NoRegrets. It’s a time when we’re supposed to grab the bull by the horns and when Andy Cohen asks you if you regret anything you said or did this season you can proudly say “I don’t believe in regrets.” (I’m looking at you Luann). But me? I’m sitting over here being a medical test dummy for my 3 year old and thinking how I absolutely should not have let her get the Doc McStuffins kit for pooping in the potty. Sure, I could try to brush it off as a “learning experience” but we’d rather go back in time and prevent the thermometer wet willy I just got from ever happening. That, and these other 99 things.

#NoRegrets is great and all, but this is #momlife, and I've got over 100 regrets. What are yours?  #momlifeisthebestlife #momlifestyle #momliferocks #momlifebelike #momlifeisthebest #momlifebestlife #momlifeyo #momlifeinabubble #momlifechronicles #momlifeunfiltered #momlifeisthtebestlife #momlifeishard #momlifestyleblogger #mommyhumor #momhumor #momhumorblog #parenting #dadlife

I Regret….

  1. Not accepting WAY more help when it was offered in the first couple years of parenting.
  2. That one Halloween when I ate all the candy.
  3. Not getting more pedicures.
  4. Wearing white shirts when my kids were babies.
  5. The number of times I was too lazy to make myself a meal and had chips and salsa for dinner.
  6. That one trip to Reno with two kids under two and cramming four people in two airplane seats.
  7. The time I assumed my kids fussiness was due to teething and not to an ear infection.
  8. Not bringing an extra pair of pants.
  9. And underwear.
  10. Taking all three kids to the movies at the same time.
  11. Telling the kids about the super fun and exciting thing we’re not doing until next week.
  12. Beating myself up about not losing the baby weight.
  13. The time I peeked in on the kids at the YMCA and the baby saw me and started to cry.
  14. Buying so many tubs of low carb ice cream before deciding I don’t care about carbs.
  15. Not taking more pictures of myself with the kids when they were teeny tiny babies.
  16. Not making that drink a double.
  17. Waiting so long to give my son formula. 
  18. The time we went to Chuck E Cheese at noon on a Saturday.
  19. Forgetting to grab the wipes.
  20. Not getting an epidural on that second baby (Jaymi).
  21. Not getting an epidural on that third baby (Christine).
  22. Pretty much all of 2004.
  23. Not giving all these people a piece of my mind in the moment.
  24. That seventh “blue drink” on the cruise.
  25. Not super sizing my fries when I had the chance.
  26. Parking my car on the street the night it got side swiped.
  27. Not taking my kid to the bathroom the first time they said they had to go.
  28. Asking my sister about how long she thought it would be until she had the baby. While she was in labor.
  29. Stopping for diapers on St. Patrick’s Day 2014, because during the time it to me to get them my daughter got bit by a dog.
  30. Not using my Chick-fil-A reward before it expired that one time.
  31. You know those letters your therapist tells you to write, but not send? I regret sending it.
  32. Waiting so long to buy LuLaRoe leggings.
  33. Letting my kids eat in the car.
  34. Keeping a Sharpie within arms reach of my children.
  35. Not teaching my kids that they have to wear underwear every single day.
  36. Everything about this situation.
  37. Letting my kid sleep in my room so long.
  38. Moving my kid out of their crib when I did.
  39. Watching Waterworld.
  40. Not noticing the Starbucks cup in the trash can before my 18 month old drank out of it.
  41. Almost every time I’ve answered an unknown number on my phone.
  42. Waiting so long to replace our old college furniture.
  43. Not printing out more pictures of my kids.
  44. Leaving my kids lunchbox in the car overnight.
  45. Forgetting to call the YMCA and not getting a spot in the kids club.
  46. Introducing my kids to the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.
  47. Not sleeping when the baby slept.
  48. Wearing cheap bras.
  49. Not checking under the carseats when I thought the car was clean. 
  50. Not going to Applebee’s more often for $1 drink specials.
  51. Yelling at the girl at the McDonald’s drive through when I was having a rough day and my coupon wouldn’t scan.
  52. Drinking that coffee at 8pm. And yes, it’s probably the only time I’ve EVER regretted drinking a coffee.
  53. Every time I’ve ever refused pain medication.
  54. Not noticing until 8 at night, home alone, with all three kids, that we were COMPLETELY OUT of diapers.
  55. Wearing high heels to my kids’ baptisms.
  56. Forgetting it was street sweeping day.
  57. Buying generic cough drops.
  58. Forgetting to turn everything off and ruining my Ohm Hour streak.
  59. Not signing my kid up for the summer camp he really wanted before it sold out.
  60. Running into the baby’s room to make sure she’s alive only to have the running wake her up.
  61. Repeatedly running into the baby’s room, after not having learned my lesson the first time.
  62. Not getting a refill on my Cherry Coke before leaving Chick-fil-A.
  63. Choosing being on time over getting coffee on the way.
  64. The time I let my toddler take a nap at 5pm.
  65. Saying I didn’t need anything for Mother’s Day.
  66. Sleeping on the couch last night. My back is not in it’s 20’s anymore.
  67. Buying expensive sunglasses.
  68. Buying cheap bras.
  69. The time I will never get back trying to finish The Goldfinch. 
  70. Teaching my kids how to use Alexa for their own personal gain.
  71. The time I wore white and then let my kids eat Cheetos near me.
  72. Basically any time I wore white post having kids.
  73. Not ordering dessert more often.
  74. Falling off the workout wagon.
  75. Forgetting my phone at the library.
  76. Forgetting my phone at the library right before it closes.
  77. Forgetting my phone at the library right before it closes on a Saturday night when they won’t be open again UNTIL TUESDAY!
  78. Thinking it was “just a rash” and ignoring it for a minute.
  79. Buying every toy we have that makes a ton of noise.
  80. Buying the Costco sized bag of raisins. When will I learn the kids will turn on anything I buy in bulk?
  81. Forgetting to restock toilet paper in the bathroom.
  82. Letting my kid take a nap at 4pm.
  83. Saying, “No I can do it myself” when I just should have said, “That would be great, thank you.”
  84. Leaving fake tanning lotion within reach of my two year old.
  85. Letting my kids own a cowbell.
  86. Not spending more of my kids’ formative years teaching them you don’t eat bananas out of the trash.
  87. Taking my fertility for granted.
  88. Getting the kids all excited to get Chick-fil-A and then remembering it’s Sunday.
  89. Anytime I ever took the kids with me when I had to try on clothes before buying them.
  90. Thinking I didn’t need a stroller anymore for a day at the aquarium with three kids.
  91. Forgetting to return the giant stack of kids’ library books on time.
  92. Letting my kid stay up WAY past his bedtime to watch “one more cool part” until the movie was over.
  93. Saying yes to Play-Doh.
  94. Not making it absolutely clear to my children that you HAVE to wear pants in public. All the time.
  95. Asking my son how I looked in my bathing suit. (Spoiler alert: “Squishy”)
  96. Not getting more pedicures.
  97. Not hiring a babysitter when I just needed a break.
  98. Believing my kid when he said he definitely had his shoes. (He did not).
  99. Anytime anyone ever made me feel bad about any of my parenting choices.

Because despite all these regrets, I love my kids, I (usually) love my life, and yes, I learned from allllllll those mistakes. Next time I’m super-sizing, signing my kid up for summer camp the day registration opens and getting that epidural dammit!

What do you regret?

Mom Humor, They Said WHAT?, Why We're Salty

MORE Open Letters to the People That Make Us Salty

As Moms (and Dads) sometimes we are shocked by the things that people think it’s okay to say – and do – us. Unfortunately, due to our broken #mombrains, we don’t always come up with the perfect response in the moment. So instead, we write anonymous passive aggressive lighthearted letters full of mom humor to the people that have wronged us. Yes, I’m talking about more letters to even more people that made us downright salty. Did you miss Part One? Make sure to check it out here and then come back to virtually punch some people in the face with me. As always, let us know who you’d add in the comments!

Continue reading “MORE Open Letters to the People That Make Us Salty”