Mom Humor

Levels of Parenting Emergencies

When the babies were little, we used to take them on these “playdates” with our MomSquad. We’d pick a destination like the nature center or storytime, but what we really wanted was the companionship. And the desire to feel like we were doing something with the babies, because honestly, what are you even supposed to do with a kid that can’t even talk or move on their own yet?

So we’d lay them on the blankets and chit chat about our lives. We only had one veteran mama in our midst at the time, and she casually mentioned that the hardest part about parenting two was that you had to ignore one of your children from time to time.

What she meant, of course, is that one child’s small needs have to take a backseat to the other child’s BIG needs once in a while. Another mama literally put her hand to her mouth in horror. “I don’t care how many kids I have, I would never IGNORE one of my children.”

Spoiler alert: you would. You absolutely would.

Because when you’ve got two or more kids, the concept of “emergency” can take on a whole new meaning.  And when faced with aa parenting emergency, you HAVE to favor the squeaky wheel. Because the squeaky wheel may be bleeding. Or trying to poop in a potted plant.

Oh, come on, like that hasn’t happened to you.

At any rate, when you’ve got more than one kid, there’s a whole new hierarchy of what needs to be prioritized. We’ve got the Levels of Parenting Emergencies below, ranked from most severe to “meh.”

You think you know what counts as an emergency...until you become a mom. A little #momlife humor from TheSaltyMamas.com. #momlife #humor #funny #parentinghumor #parenting #hilarious #momoftwo #boymom #twokids #tipsfortwokids Continue reading “Levels of Parenting Emergencies”

Mom Humor

Laugh Your Way Through the 10 Levels of Parenting Desperation

Being home with my kids is a blessing.  I know it. Most days, I’m grateful. Most days are fantastic. And then there are those OTHER days. The days where you’re bored, and the kids are bored, and everyone is just a little bit off. The fact that the day is SUPPOSED to be a blessing somehow makes the whole thing worse, and you find yourself with a case of the Mondays on a Wednesday morning.  The toddler schedule isn’t working, you’re not the fun and funny mom you usually are, and you’re questioning your ability to actually parent these tiny little monsters. You start to spiral, and then decide that, come Hell or high water, this day will be salvaged. You will BEAT these stay at home mom problems. You pour yourself a cup of coffee, take a deep breath, and begin your journey through the various levels of parenting desperation.

Looking for a way to turn your bad day around? Come laugh through the 10 levels of Parenting Desperation with the funny mom behind TheSaltyMamas.com. Continue reading “Laugh Your Way Through the 10 Levels of Parenting Desperation”

Terrible Twos

What Exactly is so TERRIBLE About Two?

When Lila was little, I felt like I was prepared for the Terrible Twos. I’d heard so much about them, so it came as no surprise when she starting hitting, and tantruming, and insisiting on wearing her tiara while pushing a baby stroller through Home Depot. I knew it was coming, and I responded accordingly. She became the time out queen. I followed through consistently on consequences. And I let her wear her tiara while pushing a baby stroller through Home Depot, because if I’m being honest, it was pretty dang adorable.

Let's face it- Not EVERYTHING about two is terrible. The Pros of Cons of the Terrible Twos, from thesaltymamas.com #terribletwos #terribletwohumor #dealingwithtantrums #toddleractivities

But for some reason, as Abe approached two, I kind of forgot the Terrible Twos were a thing. I found myself wondering where my sweet baby had gone while dodging airborne books and trying to protect baby Izzie from his furious fists. I struggled to find ways to entertain him all.day.long. I wondered if he was possessed, if he was overtired, or getting teeth. And then I remembered that we are entering a very well documented phase- one that lasts a year, mind you!- and I had better adjust my mindset quick.

So I instituted time outs, created a toddler daily schedule, bought him a Batman costume to wear to Home Depot, and weighed the pros and cons of having a two year old. Because honestly? It’s not all so terrible.

Let's face it- Not EVERYTHING about two is terrible. The Pros of Cons of the Terrible Twos, from thesaltymamas.com #terribletwos #terribletwohumor #dealingwithtantrums #toddleractivities Continue reading “What Exactly is so TERRIBLE About Two?”

momlife

Lies Parents Tell Their Kids (#SorryNotSorry)

We’re gonna go ahead and put it out there- parents lie to their kids all the time. Like, ALL the time. The lies we tell our kids range from the big and widely accepted (we’re looking at you, Santa) to the small and overused (“we’re leaving soon!”).  But either way? Yeah, #SorryNotSorry. Not even a little bit. So now, in no particular order, we present to you the lies we tell our kids on a regular basis.

Everyone lies to their kids SOMETIMES. We happen to do it a lot. Read about the favorite lies we tell our kids at thesaltymamas.com.

Continue reading “Lies Parents Tell Their Kids (#SorryNotSorry)”

momlife

7 Moms That Will Make You Laugh at a Kids’ Indoor Playground

It’s winter, and the weather is pretty disagreeable these days. Moms everywhere are desperate to find somewhere-anywhere!– where their kids can run, yell, play, and burn off some of that ENDLESS energy. En masse, we all flock to the nearest kids’ indoor playground, which quickly turns into a roiling mass of noisy, busy, happy kids and toddlers- and their mothers. In no particular order, here are the seven types of parents you can expect to see while you’re there.

There's 7 types of moms you'll find at a kids' indoor playground- read on to find out which one you are! thesaltymamas.com #kidsindoorplayground #kidsactivities #momlife #sahm #sahmlife #paretninghumor #momhumor #momdating #momfriends #howtomakemomfriends #playground #playgroundwithtoddlers #bestkidsactivities #indoorplayplace

 

Continue reading “7 Moms That Will Make You Laugh at a Kids’ Indoor Playground”

Effing Four Year Olds, momlife, parenting, The Salties, They Said WHAT?, Tips & Hacks

Smoothies

Once upon a time, when Lila was a littler girl, she became obsessed with all cold drinks. First it was the condensation on our soft drinks, and then we transitioned to Jamba Juice IMG_20140721_112451092smoothies.  Pretty soon, we introduced our family’s favorite summer sipper- Icees. And slurpees, and freezes. Whatever you wanted to call them, it didn’t much matter. She was in love with the icy cold sweetness, and at about a dollar a piece, they were a cheap and easy treat on a hot day. I have given her far more Icees in her short little life than I would care to admit. Somewhere along the line, the differences between Jamba Juice whole fruit goodness and sugar-filled-crushed-ice got blurred, and she decided Icees/Slurpees were called smoothies, too. It wasn’t something we did intentionally, but my GOODNESS does it make me look like a better mother. Continue reading “Smoothies”

Holidays, Mama Mojo, MicroLuxuries, momlife, Salty Mama Lists

What We Wish We’d Gotten For Christmas

At the risk of sounding like HUGE jerks…there’s just a few things we WISH we would have gotten for Christmas. I mean, they are largely impossible, but still… a Salty Mama can dream!  Continue reading “What We Wish We’d Gotten For Christmas”