The internet has educated us on some important do’s and don’ts for the Nosy Nelly’s of the world. We know you don’t get to ask people when they’re having kids or if they’re having kids at all. We’ve established that you don’t get to ask people why they’re only having one kid. We’ve hammered home to not ask pushy questions about when people are adding to their family. Granted, some people will ask despite knowing all this, because they’re just those kinds of people.
But what if you’re the family that got married and had kids a year later. And then got pregnant again 9 months after that. And then got pregnant 12 months after that. And then decided that you’re actually not done having kids even though in my experience three seems to be the assumed maximum number of children a person should have. Because that’s our family. We’ve got three an we don’t plan on being done. Maybe we’ll have one more, maybe two, maybe my husband suggests three and I freak out and say “Don’t push it bro.”
But that family, my family, well guess what internet? You don’t get to ask that Mom really personal questions either. So here’s my list of actual questions I’ve been asked by strangers.
Having kids is a big responsibility. You hold your tiny baby and think, “I’m going to teach you letters and numbers and colors, how to throw a ball and how to read” and it can feel overwhelming and exciting all at the same time. Kids are constantly learning and part of our job is to facilitate this amazing experience for them. And then they take off their pants in a Chick-fil-A and you realize you’ve been focusing on all the wrong things. And there’s a whole world out there of things you NEVER thought you’d actually have to teach your kids.
So here are seven things we learned the hard way that you absolutely MUST teach your kids.
As Moms (and Dads) sometimes we are shocked by the things that people think it’s okay to say – and do – us. Unfortunately, due to our broken #mombrains, we don’t always come up with the perfect response in the moment. So instead, we write anonymous passive aggressive lighthearted letters full of mom humor to the people that have wronged us. Yes, I’m talking about more letters to even more people that made us downright salty. Did you miss Part One? Make sure to check it out here and then come back to virtually punch some people in the face with me. As always, let us know who you’d add in the comments!
This morning I opened my email to find a very rare message from my husband. We’re not people that email, text or really communicate while he’s at work, so I knew this was either something urgent, important, or special. What I received was a picture, followed by this:
Cole’s early birthday present???
I know we are not ready and really this burden would fall 100% on you but this could be the adoring fan who is always there for him that he needs.
I quickly went through a thousand emotions from rage, to thinking he was sweet, to crying at the idea of another thing to keep alive, to swooning over how adorable the pups are, to realizing that I needed to nip this in the bud. Fast.
I clicked “Reply” and fired off my ten reasons we are NOT getting a puppy right now.
In my mind, I’m the kind of assertive woman that speaks her mind. I’m a good role model for my children and will always stand up for myself, especially in front of them. I ain’t afraid of nobody and will tell them what’s up with all the confidence in the world. In reality? I’m just a really tired lady that thinks of witty comebacks about 45 minutes too late. So instead of telling all of these people what I really think of them in the moment – I’ll just leave these open letters here, and dream of the day they become viral and all the people that need to read them get the message.
I am a smart girl. That’s just a fact. My school counselor once called the six year old version of me, “severely gifted,” which if I’m being honest, I thought was a little rude. Over the years, the rest of my class caught up with me, and I’m sure I’m mildly gifted at best these days- but I’m just saying, I’m not dumb. But when I’m talking about work with my husband? Daaaang, but it can sure make me FEEL dumb.
My husband is a Chemical Engineer, and specializes in Process Development. I barely know what that means, let alone when he actually tries to describe one of the processes he’s developing (is that even the right way to say it? I have no idea). But after years of looking at him sitting silent across the table at dinner parties, and watching him look at me with just a touch of envy while I regale our guests with stories of rambunctious first graders, I realized that he needs an outlet, too. He needs to deconstruct his day, and muddle through his work-related issues, and to have a sounding board for the problems he faces in the eight eleven hours a day that he’s not with me.
So I decided to take on the daunting task- to learn how to actually talk to my husband about what he does. (Shudders.) Here’s my tips for how to talk about work with your spouse- even when their job is not the kind of career you understand the ins and outs of.
2. You may have heard that we won free Chick Fil A for a year, but we ALSO won a free Valentine’s Day Meal. Seriously y’all, we are SWIMMING in free chicken. You may not be willing to sleep in a parking lot for free chicken (because…well…REASONS), but PLEASE tell us you have the Chick Fil A One app installed on your phone. All you have to do is scan when you order, and you’ll get points that add up to free items. And if you’re anything like us, those orders- and those points!- add up fast.
3. Have you done one of those kid interviews that’s been floating around Facebook recently? We did them with our kids, and the answers were equal parts hilarious (Q: What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? A: A grown up. So I can make the rules) and so sticky sweet we could die (Q: What Makes You Happy? A: Hugging You). Our friend at All in A Dad’s Work asks his kids questions like these on the regular, and their answers are super insightful, and also sometimes super funny. We particularly liked this week’s questions. Go check them out!
5. We busted out our Marbled Shaving Cream Art at a playdate this week and it was a HIT. Each kid made five or six hearts a piece, and it totally stopped them from fighting was a great way to get some art in. And can I say, I kind of felt like super mom handing it off to their Mamas when they got picked up. We recommend busting out the green paint and some shamrock-shaped cardstock to bring it into the new season.
6. Our cruuuuiissseee is coming uuuuuuup! Look for some themed posts that will be going up this week, and get your rainbow tumblers ready. We’ve got a fun DIY headed your way so you can either A.) Cruise with your momsquad in style or B.) Have a virtual drink with The Salty Mamas.
Once upon a time, when Lila was a littler girl, she became obsessed with all cold drinks. First it was the condensation on our soft drinks, and then we transitioned to Jamba Juice smoothies. Pretty soon, we introduced our family’s favorite summer sipper- Icees. And slurpees, and freezes. Whatever you wanted to call them, it didn’t much matter. She was in love with the icy cold sweetness, and at about a dollar a piece, they were a cheap and easy treat on a hot day. I have given her far more Icees in her short little life than I would care to admit. Somewhere along the line, the differences between Jamba Juice whole fruit goodness and sugar-filled-crushed-ice got blurred, and she decided Icees/Slurpees were called smoothies, too. It wasn’t something we did intentionally, but my GOODNESS does it make me look like a better mother. Continue reading “Smoothies”→
As Moms we have a thousand “WTF just happened???” moments. Whether they happen in a kids play area with strangers or at our own family functions, we’re constantly exposed to other people’s opinions. It happens so often we need to become ducks and let that nonsense just roll off our back. Or we’d never make it. But some stories stick with us months later. And we just. can’t. let them go.
This is one of those.
This story starts as most annoying ones do….with me, minding my own business, trying to check out of a Target. Cart full of diapers and impulse purchases, Izzie in one arm the other just trying to scan my stuff so I could pay and get on my way.
Enter Nosy Lady of the Day:
Nosy: Cute baby. How old is he?
Yes, people call my baby a boy all the time. And they called my son a girl. Fun fact, I don’t really care. Especially when it’s a stranger in Target that I will never see again.
Me: 10 months.
Nosy: Is he crawling yet?
Me: Walking already actually.
Yes, I don’t correct these people about the baby’s sex if I can talk around it. It’s just not worth it. They either get all offended that I haven’t dressed my child appropriately enough to highlight this fact to them or feel really bad and are way more apologetic than would ever be necessary.
Also, she kinda looks like a boy. Because she’s a baby.
Nosy: What’s his name?
Dang it, now I gotta come clean…
Me: Oh, actually, uh, she’s a girl. Her name is Isabella.
Nosy: A girl. Do people assume she’s a boy a lot? Because of this hair?
At this point, she reached out and touched my babies head – which, NO – as if to show off the fact that she has a boy haircut.
Me: Um, I mean, it’s not like we cut it like that, she’s just a baby and her hair hasn’t grown in very much I guess.
Nosy: Hrmph. Well are you going to get her ears pierced at least?
Me: No? We don’t have any plans to get her ears pierced.
Nosy: Well then how are people going to tell she’s a girl?
Me: You know, she’s 10 months old. It doesn’t really seem to bother her when people assume she’s a boy….and it doesn’t bother us. So it seems a little extreme to get her ears pierced –
Nosy: Why’d you name her Isabella?
Me: We liked it.
Nosy: I hope it’s not after that stupid Twilight movie. You know the girl in that movie? Bella? Her real name was Isabella. Do you call her Bella? I hope you don’t call her Bella.
At this point she finally started to take the hint that she needed to leave me the F alone before I use my arm that wasn’t holding IsaBELLA – the non pierced, short haired, boy looking baby to slap the nosy right off her face. Because the truth is I was PISSED. I don’t care that you thought she was a boy. I don’t care that you think her name is stupid. I don’t care what you think about Twilight.
But I kinda care that you’re offended that I’m not going to pierce my baby to make you more comfortable. And I kinda care that you’re that hung up on if my baby is a boy or a girl. I kinda care that you think I’m doing such an unforgivable disservice to my children by not swathing them in an assigned color so that they can be CLEAR about their sex before their first birthday.
Because what does it really matter? To you, to society, to whomever? It’s a baby. Give her a minute to just BE a baby – instead of who you think she should be. As long as she doesn’t end up some rude lady bothering people in Target, I’ll be one happy Mama.