Mom Humor

Levels of Parenting Emergencies

When the babies were little, we used to take them on these “playdates” with our MomSquad. We’d pick a destination like the nature center or storytime, but what we really wanted was the companionship. And the desire to feel like we were doing something with the babies, because honestly, what are you even supposed to do with a kid that can’t even talk or move on their own yet?

So we’d lay them on the blankets and chit chat about our lives. We only had one veteran mama in our midst at the time, and she casually mentioned that the hardest part about parenting two was that you had to ignore one of your children from time to time.

What she meant, of course, is that one child’s small needs have to take a backseat to the other child’s BIG needs once in a while. Another mama literally put her hand to her mouth in horror. “I don’t care how many kids I have, I would never IGNORE one of my children.”

Spoiler alert: you would. You absolutely would.

Because when you’ve got two or more kids, the concept of “emergency” can take on a whole new meaning.  And when faced with aa parenting emergency, you HAVE to favor the squeaky wheel. Because the squeaky wheel may be bleeding. Or trying to poop in a potted plant.

Oh, come on, like that hasn’t happened to you.

At any rate, when you’ve got more than one kid, there’s a whole new hierarchy of what needs to be prioritized. We’ve got the Levels of Parenting Emergencies below, ranked from most severe to “meh.”

You think you know what counts as an emergency...until you become a mom. A little #momlife humor from TheSaltyMamas.com. #momlife #humor #funny #parentinghumor #parenting #hilarious #momoftwo #boymom #twokids #tipsfortwokids Continue reading “Levels of Parenting Emergencies”

Effing Four Year Olds, momlife, parenting, The Salties, They Said WHAT?, Tips & Hacks

Smoothies

Once upon a time, when Lila was a littler girl, she became obsessed with all cold drinks. First it was the condensation on our soft drinks, and then we transitioned to Jamba Juice IMG_20140721_112451092smoothies.  Pretty soon, we introduced our family’s favorite summer sipper- Icees. And slurpees, and freezes. Whatever you wanted to call them, it didn’t much matter. She was in love with the icy cold sweetness, and at about a dollar a piece, they were a cheap and easy treat on a hot day. I have given her far more Icees in her short little life than I would care to admit. Somewhere along the line, the differences between Jamba Juice whole fruit goodness and sugar-filled-crushed-ice got blurred, and she decided Icees/Slurpees were called smoothies, too. It wasn’t something we did intentionally, but my GOODNESS does it make me look like a better mother. Continue reading “Smoothies”

Effing Four Year Olds, Kids' Activities, momlife, parenting, The Salties

Alertness

From an early age, I have always been both a teacher’s pet and an overachiever. I passed all the tests. I got all the awards. I always often came in first.  For years, I’ve eagerly been awaiting my own kids’ turn. I told myself that I wouldn’t be pushy, wouldn’t assume my kid would be the best and the brightest, and was determined to let her go her own way. When the first few award ceremonies went by and Lila didn’t get an award, I tried my best to shrug it off. That’s okay! Everyone can’t get an award, or they would be meaningless!  I mean, she has her moments, but she is fiery and passionate and smart and funny and AWESOME. Her day will come!

And today, when I opened up her homework folder and saw that slip of fancy copy paper, with the hint of a fancy border showing- well, I just knew. Our Her day had finally come.

“Congratulations! Your child has been selected to receive an award. Please join us for a ceremony on Tuesday, as Lila is recognized for… Alertness.”

I’ve never been so proud confused. Continue reading “Alertness”

Holidays, Salty Mama Lists, They Said WHAT?

Things We Overheard at Holiday Parties

Ahh, it’s that time of year again. The lights! The food! The parties! The inappropriate board games! The passive-aggression!  Read on for a list of things we have overheard at holiday parties so far this year.

Continue reading “Things We Overheard at Holiday Parties”