Effing Four Year Olds, momlife, parenting, The Salties, Why We're Salty

My Daughter Went Feral (And Not in the Way That’s Trendy Right Now)

My daughter just went full on feral at a birthday party.
One minute, we’re laughing and taking pictures, and the next she’s screaming and clawing and BITING. All because someone “took” the seat she had planned to sit on. I guess I should be grateful she took it out on me instead of the clueless offender, or else I’d never be able to show my face in that circle again. But it’s hard to be grateful for anything when you’re wresting a gnashing alligator that used to be your child in front of a group of people whose opinions and parenting styles you respect.
I mean, what the HELL. If she was a dog we’d be talking about whether or not it’s safe to keep her, but because she’s human, I don’t get a say in the matter. I have to keep her. Safe surrender at a fire station is only good for babies up to three days old. Not that I checked or anything.
But I don’t have to let her keep her cupcake. That bad boy is going right in the trash. It is quite literally the VERY least I could do, on a scale of cupcake tossing to orphanage, so frankly she should be grateful.
Now I’m gonna go nurse my wounds (figurative, luckily, thanks to my seven year career as a bite-dodging-teacher) with a diet Coke the size of my head. Maybe with some vodka in it this time.
Kids know exactly how to embarrass their parents...like by going feral at a birthday party. Read what this hilarious mom did next at thesaltymamas.com!

25 thoughts on “My Daughter Went Feral (And Not in the Way That’s Trendy Right Now)”

  1. My kid went feral in the bathroom of the library the other day because I wouldn’t let her use an entire roll of toilet paper, so I’m totally feeling you right now…

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  2. That is an incredibly difficult situation. I’ve been in that situation more times than I can count with my step-daughter. It makes me want to crawl into a hole and hide.

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  3. Oh my gosh your account made me lol. We’ve all been there. Happily enjoying a get together or an outing or shopping trip and all of a sudden the child loses his ever loving mind and all you can do is scratch your head and go what happened????

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  4. My son is the kids that is always screaming. I quit going anywhere for a while. It is finally getting better, so hopefully this was a one time thing for you! If you ask me, birthday parties are basically torture for toddlers. 🙂

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