The Salty Mamas send each other a LOT of texts, because we value our sanity and sometimes you just HAVE to share your day with someone else that’s in the trenches. Then at some point you need to go look for something and when you see it all together like that you think, “Dear God, my life is a shit show! Literally!”
But the best way to feel better about the weird stuff you’re texting about is to send it out there in the world and see what comes back to you. (Or at least that’s what we’re hoping…) So here, dear friends, are our 25 Texts You Should Never Have to Send from July. Please make us feel better by adding yours.
- Best case scenario it’s food poisoning
- There’s a pursuit headed your way!
- No vomit yet, but the day is still young. I’ll keep you posted.
- Are we still friends or is it all over?
- URGENT: Corny (the stuffed corn) has gone missing. Do you know where it is??? This might be a matter of life and death.
- I’m listing my mom as my life partner on my membership.
- Eff. Oh, EFF. We can pay the extra $150 if we have to.
- She hasn’t had the firmest of poops…
- I almost dropped Abram putting him in the Ergo. People legit screamed. Out loud. I am the shame of Pretend City.
- Dude, your baby has the leakiest butt.
- Hey, so I’m getting a red light camera ticket.
- We took a ride on the hot mess express today. Keep your expectations for this evening low.
- Guess which of your children had a massive blowout. You’ll be wrong.
- She’s watching TV half naked, surround by books, eating stolen sugar.
- My son stole food from a homeless person today, so I’m pretty sure you’re a better Mom than me.
- Sorry, typing slow. Booger fingers.
- There’s a bird in our yard that sounds like bells jingling and I’m gonna murder it.
- He came home with a man cold. FML.
- He was like, “Why am I peeing out of my butt????”
- We survived. Ish.
- It’s better than a brain tumor, which is what Google told me it was.
- Jk regarding naps. Everyone suddenly awake. Three hours to go ?
- I just drove through McDonald’s with my boob out.
- How many times do you think your kid has to throw up at Souplantation before you’re banned?
- We are COMPLETELY out of coffee.
I definitely hope I don’t have to send any of those again. Now it’s your turn! GO!
15 thoughts on “Texts You Should Never Have to Send”
I am laugh-crying, hahaha! Love trying to guess which salty mama (or salty kiddo) is responsible for which :*
Haha, that would be a fun game sometime! We’ll have to do it on FB 😉
Yep, I hear you. I send texts like these and have conversations out loud like these. For instance “Um, L has stuck something in his ear, we’re on our way to the hospital.” “L has just fallen out of the bus head first, can you meet me at school please, he needs to go to hospital.” “What time do you finish tonight? L is in meltdown mode and has been for the last 3 hours, I need a break.” “O has just power vomited in my car, going to be late.” Could go on, but you get the idea!!
Oh, those would have made our list for sure! YIKES!
I’m laughing so much I can’t see thru the tears!!! Hilarious!!!
Oh my goodness these are so funny. I don’t have any to add. Ahhhhh. Well I do but I can’t think of one right now.
Those are priceless. May I NEVER have to send a single one of those texts. Or utter them aloud.
My birthday wish for you is that you never have to either!
I sent one yesterday saying the puppy brought me two bloody tampons while I was sleeping, I thought I was going to die
Bahaha I’ve sent versions of these far too often too… #momlife
These text messages are too funny. The COMPLETELY out of coffee text gets sent quite often.
Haha these are too funny! I just sent my husband a text that said come home now with a picture of my flip flops in the toilet!
Lol too funny! What an enjoyable read.
I lost it at “He came home with a man cold. FML”! I am literally dead from laughing haha this is so great 🙂
I can relate to every one of these. I’ve probably sent a lot of them a few times in the last 3 years ?
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